Author: bkellaway

In 2018 a scholar based his doctoral dissertation, “Experiences of Atheists and Agnostics in Alcoholics Anonymous”, on the book Do Tell! Stories by Atheists and Agnostics in AA,
published in 2015. Last month Brent completed his work and sent a copy to AA Agnostica.

What follows are excerpts from his dissertation, submitted to the Graduate Faculty of Saint Mary’s University of Minnesota in partial fulfillment of his Doctor of Psychology Degree.

---

Introduction

AA Agnostica “attempts to be a helping hand for the alcoholic who reaches out to Alcoholics Anonymous for help and finds that she or he is disturbed by the religious content of many AA meetings”. In doing so, they post blogs, maintain a website, and publish literature. One of their publications, Do Tell! Stories by Atheists & Agnostics in AA, was analyzed… for the purpose of answering the following question: What are the experiences of Alcoholics Anonymous members who identify as atheist or agnostic?

Do Tell! Stories by Atheists & Agnostics in AA is a pre-existing compilation of AA members who identify as atheist or agnostic. The book is published independently by AA Agnostica and edited by Roger C., who reported that the 30 stories were selected from 50 original submissions. Subjects were not prompted with any specific definition of “atheist” or “agnostic” although they were all readers of AA Agnostica, which rejects the “Christian anthropomorphic and interventionist male deity” specified in the book Alcoholics Anonymous.

Permission to use the content for research purposes was granted by the publisher.

Positive Experiences in Recovery Through AA

Community Benefits of AA

A majority of the stories mention benefits from AA related to relationships and connection with other people. Codes encompassed in this theme included social acceptance, accountability, shared experience, fellowship, role models/sponsorship, or general support. Authors consistently noted participation in fellowship and connection with other AA members as a resiliency factor in their recovery. Author 5 [Russ H.] noted “they allowed me to talk. They listened as I revealed anger, fear and shame and they were neither shocked nor disapproving… The friendship and love from those people, and others in the years that have followed, changed my life.” [Do Tell! p. 34]

Other authors went so far as to identify community benefits as one of the reasons they did not feel the need to identify a higher power. For instance, Author 8 [Suzanne M.] stated that “it is the human fellowship of AA that keeps me sober. I can find no evidence, in my sobriety, of an interfering god who has played a part in it.” [Do Tell! p. 50]

Internal Benefits of AA

[This theme] included those stories that endorsed benefits of AA unique to the individual experience of the author, including personal and emotional growth. This theme included codes such as gratitude, happiness, relief from cravings, sustained sobriety, freedom, serenity, emotional maturity, wisdom, and hope. Another consistent theme born from the text was internal reactions and personal development identified as a benefit of AA affiliation.

Author 11 [Gabe S.] noted many of these benefits: “Through inventory, sharing, making amends, meditation, helping others and trying to do the right thing, let go and leave the rest up to nature, I have learned how to calm my emotions, to accept others and feel accepted by them, to feel connected to the world and the sentient, feeling beings in it, to feel worthy of my place in the universe. [Do Tell! p. 69]

Others noted feelings of gratitude, hope, and emotional maturity, summarized well by Author 19 [Neil F.]: “Today my life is far removed from that seemingly hopeless state I was in when I first came to AA.” [Do Tell! p. 113] Author 21 [Marnin M.] further contributed that “AA saved my life, and I am forever grateful for the opportunities it has provided me. Because of the AA program… I try to live as full and as emotionally satisfying a life as possible.” [Do Tell! p. 119]

Indirect Benefits of AA membership

Indirect benefits of AA membership included stories which indicated improvements in other facets of life as a result of involvement with 12-step recovery (e.g., regained employment, repaired relationships, fulfilled vocational or educational goals, developing good boundaries, or coping with difficult life experiences). Though less prevalent, indirect benefits gained from AA affiliation were nonetheless frequently noted. Many stories related regaining employment, going  back to school, or developing and maintaining healthy interpersonal relationships. Author 18 [Ann M.] noted the most common indirect benefit, being able to cope with adversity that happens in life.

Navigating the Spiritual Component of AA

Doctrinal Differences

Author 1 [Nell Z.] concisely identified their experience as being a non-believer in an AA meeting: “The first time I came into an AA meeting I felt like I had to squeeze past God to get through the door” [Do Tell! p. 9]. Author 12 [Betsy M.] noted objections to the conference approved AA literature: “My first roadblock was the Big Book. I couldn’t stand it. It struck me as a self-help book for Christian men from my father’s generation.” [Do Tell! p. 71]

Author 8 [Suzanne M.] noted objections based on a reminder of their own negative experiences being raised in a religious tradition: “The references to ‘God,’ ‘He,’ and ‘Him’ felt like a strange throwback to the unthinking acceptance of Christian mythology of my childhood Sunday School days.” [Do Tell! p. 49] Author 23 [John C.] noted that this component likely kept them from approaching sobriety earlier: “If it weren’t for the overt religious aspects of AA, I might have been spared years of suffering.” [Do Tell! p. 135]

Negative Interactions With Other Members Based on Atheist or Agnostic Beliefs

Author 29 [Chuck K.] noted that “when I told some people I was an atheist, they assured me I’d drink again unless I changed my ways and got with God.” [Do Tell! p. 170] Author 23 [John C.] noted a similar experience: “I left that first meeting with AA members chasing after me, telling me they were positive there was a god and I needed to believe in him. I thought I would never return.” [Do Tell! p. 130]

Author 17 [life j.] indicated that their belief affected their ability to find a sponsor: “Finding a sponsor who wouldn’t harass me about finding a higher power was real difficult.” [Do Tell! p. 98] Author 19 [Neil F.] even indicated that coming out as atheist had an impact on relationships they had developed in AA: “My disclosure [of being an atheist] caused some pain, one person called me a few names, and one person fired me as his sponsor, some rolled their eyes when I spoke, but others realized that I hadn’t changed and still accepted me. [Do Tell! p. 113]

Spiritual Experiences

Author 1 [Nell Z.] connected their spiritual journey to humanistic connection: “The spiritual principles of AA, such as honesty, open-mindedness, willingness and brotherly love, can be practiced by anyone, God-believer or not… I equate my spirituality to my humanistic journey toward genuine human connection, service, love, and kindness.” [Do Tell! p. 12]

Other authors noted a reconnection with existing faith or cultural traditions that they had previously lost. Author 4 [Julie B.] captured this well. “I learned about indigenous beliefs of living in concert with nature, and how everything is interconnected. I learned about ceremony and resilience… it was the most spiritual experience of my life. I also know that it never would have happened if I hadn’t gotten sober.” [Do Tell! pp. 30, 31]

Coping and Adaptation

Rewriting, Substituting, or Omitting Personally Problematic Language

This… refers to those stories that included coping via reframing the 12 steps, substituting language that was contrary to their beliefs, or “taking what you want and leaving the rest” in terms of program literature. Participants noted many ways that they adapted existing program language or traditions to make the program work for them.

Several authors took action to rewrite or adapt the 12 steps into language more agreeable to them. Author 13 [Kit G.] noted “I began to put the steps… into my own words for myself… I found that the language of religion or the Big Book was insufficient to communicate the language of my heart.” [Do Tell! p. 77] Authors 5 [Russ H.], 19[Neil F.], and 20 [Hanje R.] included their adapted versions of the 12 steps in their stories.

Connecting With Likeminded People

This theme refers to those stories that mentioned reading materials of other [secular] individuals, attending existing agnostic or atheist meetings, or seeking counsel and relationships from members with similar beliefs or experiences to their own. Many individuals found relationships and group affiliation based on [an atheist or agnostic] status as beneficial.

Author 1 [Nell Z.] noted their experience: “One day, I discovered a group of like-minded individuals who also suffered from alcoholism and held an AA meeting in a non-prayer format. There, I finally found comfort and a sense of belonging. For the first time, I was home, and it was such a relief to be among people who shared similar views.” [Do Tell! p. 11]

Author 10 [Joan C.] noted that finding a [secular] meeting was what allowed them to return to AA: “I left AA because I am a non-believer and became more and more uncomfortable in the meetings with all the god talk and talk of leaving everything in god’s hands… I am back because we now have meetings – We Agnostics meetings – where I finally feel like I belong.” [Do Tell! p. 64]

While some authors noted resistance to the creation of atheist or agnostic groups, 23 identified that a major component that allowed them to find success in AA was being allowed to attend or start atheist or agnostic meetings – so long as their primary purpose is to carry the message to the alcoholic who still suffers. Considering that US citizens are increasingly identifying as “non-religious” and that addiction remains a public health crisis, it stands to reason that the ability to tailor groups to the needs of smaller enclaves will increase over time.

Conclusion

This study examined how individuals identifying as… atheist or agnostic navigate the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. Research findings suggest that this population can successfully utilize AA as a resource for recovery from addiction with the use of adaptation and reliance on the more social and broadly spiritual components of the program.

---

You can read the entire dissertation here: Experiences of Atheists and Agnostics in Alcoholics Anonymous. The above is a number of small portions of the essay, with excerpts from page 16 to 39.

For more information about the book itself, you can click here: Do Tell! Stories by Atheists and Agnostics in AA.

Also available is a PDF of the article: An Academic Analysis of Do Tell! A copy of this PDF will be sent to all of the officials, trustees, etc., at the AA General Service Office (GSO) in New York.

---

 

The post An Academic Analysis of Do Tell! first appeared on AA Agnostica.

By Brendan O’K

“All people must necessarily rally to the call of their own particular convictions and we of AA are no exception,” said Bill Wilson. One of my strong convictions is agnosticism, the belief that nobody knows or can know of the existence or nature of God. So I lack the religious faith that so many people told me was essential to thrive in AA. But after 15 years I’m still involved in our movement: I go to two or three meetings a week (five in the Zoom/Covid period) and am a volunteer for the AA telephone helpline in London.

Although I’ve lived in London for many years, I grew up mostly in Liverpool in the northwest of England, a city unusual for its high number of Catholics – many, like me, of Irish descent. I was an altar boy, a choirboy at the Catholic cathedral and around the age of 17 was being considered by my Jesuit educators as a potential priest. I had what I thought was a deep faith and I sincerely thought (agonised) about being a priest. But my faith turned out to be brittle and just an adolescent passion – maybe I read too many books (Dostoyevsky’s The Brothers Karamazov was a big influence) – and by the time I was 18, 19 I had lost any interest in religion.

I mention this part of my background to show that my attitude to religion isn’t one of “contempt prior to investigation” as the Big Book says of some people – in fact, I know well the religious impulses and feelings, having once experienced them. Incidentally I think people who lapse from their faith often throw themselves into political activism of various kinds to replace what they sense they’ve lost, but that’s not for me.

At university in Manchester, I started drinking regularly. At first it was normal, social drinking, based on parties, girls, friends, the usual things for young men. In my 30s I became more melancholy after various heartbreaks with women and started drinking heavily, often alone. By the time I was 44 I was drinking mechanically, like a robot, and it was now an empty experience. That included my last day of heavy drinking, which was, on the surface, spectacular.

I was staying with friends in New York and on July 4th, 2005, Independence Day, I went to watch baseball in the Bronx for over four hours (of steady drinking), then headed to Battery Park in Manhattan to see James Brown perform, followed by two parties in Brooklyn where I consumed four bottles of red wine, topped off by sleeping with a married woman. The following day, hungover and remorseful, I bought some books including a novel called Dry, by Augusten Burroughs, about a man who is forced to go to AA, hates it, then gradually likes it as he experiences the benefits of sobriety. I read this on the plane back to London a few days later and it planted a seed.

A few weeks on, with all the elation of drinking gone, I turned to AA in desperation. On the one hand, I had misgivings about the religious nature of most people in the programme (this is the nature of AA even in a huge, otherwise largely secular city like London.) This was in stark contrast to my non-AA life, where almost everyone I knew had grown up secular or was a lapsed Jew, Muslim, Anglican or Catholic like me. But on the other hand, after a single meeting I completely lost the desire to drink, and I decided to keep coming back. I will always be grateful to AA for changing my life for the better.

I took on commitments and got a sponsor. I was enthusiastic. But I was always aware of most people’s casual assumption that there is a god, and found it hard to adopt a belief in a higher power helping me towards sobriety. Like many in this position, I settled upon AA itself as my higher power – I mean the members who had empathy with me and who were helping me. After five or six years of this, having done the 12 Steps and become a sponsor for people (who were mostly agnostics and atheists), I realised I was mostly enduring the religiosity of our movement and wasn’t always getting what I needed to thrive. I was too often sitting silently at the back of the room, trying to tolerate what was – to me and a minority of other AA members – sometimes nonsense. I felt present but not involved, like the lapsed Catholic I am who goes to mass once a year with his dad at Christmas but who doesn’t take communion.

I think being in AA should include having a strategy for sharing my own ‘strength, hope and experience’ in meetings, even when the topic being discussed is God. It isn’t productive to angrily challenge what is being said by others in the meeting, and yet there is more to our sobriety and more to Alcoholics Anonymous than merely learning how to blend in. Some of you may know the despair that can accompany having to choose between pretending to fit in and being ostracised by the people around you.

So, with a friend, I revived the mini-tradition in London of meetings for agnostics, atheists and ‘freethinkers’ by setting up meetings for such people in north and east London. They are still flourishing and new ones which are nothing to do with me have also now formed in different parts of the city. In 2018 the General Service Conference of AA in North America voted to adopt the British conference-approved pamphlet, “The God Word: Agnostics & Atheists in AA.” It was translated into French and Spanish from the original English. I’m proud to say this pamphlet, which is now eligible for AA meetings all over the world, was largely the work of the small group I helped to set  up in Islington, north London on Thursday nights. We lobbied AA for a few years about it and eventually won.

In our meeting formats and in our general tone we try to be accepting, encouraging and supportive of anyone looking for a solution to their alcoholism irrespective of what they believe or don’t believe. There is no shortage of newcomers coming to our meetings.

But I also attend ‘mainstream’ meetings, where most people seem to believe in a god. Some are dogmatic about this (a minority – there are also, of course, dogmatic atheists who won’t engage in a dialogue with those who don’t share their views), but most people are friendly to me and accept that I’m secular. Occasionally I’m told point-blank by a religious fundamentalist that if I don’t find God as my higher power I’ll eventually get drunk. I just graciously decline their offer to help me. I’m strong and secure in my agnosticism and will not be marginalised. They have their opinion, I have mine, there’s no need for me to respond angrily. I sometimes point out that the AA headquarters in England (in York) completely accepts the legitimacy of the secular meetings we have set up. I’m strong and secure in my agnosticism. Nobody is going to marginalise me. We’re all in this together, all recovering alcoholics who face similar daily challenges of living a sober way of life.

Frankly, for 15 years I’ve seen AA sometimes – often – being ineffective even for those who strongly believe in a traditional god. This is probably due to the large amount of mystification that usually comes with AA’s message. The difficult parts of our process of sobriety, such as the unruly will, the unmanageable life, the dilemma of our powerlessness and our residual character defects are just ‘turned over’ to a supposedly loving god (a god who it seems chooses to make some alcoholics sober and leave others to carry on drinking ruinously.)

I thoroughly accepted Step 1, I surrendered. This broke the vicious cycle that happened when my own ideas about correcting a bad situation only made things worse. But ultimately, even believers need a more precise understanding of the solution than “Let go and let God.”

AA, I suggest, can sometimes benefit from greater clarity regarding down-to-earth strategies. For many, belief in God is a catalyst in a process that makes sobriety possible, but the process itself is all about tapping into “human power.”

Viewing AA’s solution as “God doing for us what we could not do for ourselves” is to accept magical thinking. I can’t accept it (not in an arrogant way, I hope. ) More relevant to me is the empathy one gets at AA meetings, the actions taken under the 12 Steps, the social co-operation. This is all the work of “human power,’ ordinary people. It has nothing to do with a supernatural entity. All the resources necessary for sobriety are already in the possession of men and women.

If for you God is the answer to helping you get sober, that’s fine by me, and in fact none of my business anyway. But for me and for so many others the most important and salient assets AA has are in-depth identification, a sense of community, pragmatic wisdom about addiction, and sometimes just having something to do something that doesn’t involve using alcohol or drugs.

I’m not really interested in religion, I’m not even that interested in ‘spirituality’ – I don’t really know what that word means, I never have, even when I was a teenage Catholic. I just want to keep up this sober life which most of the time gives me peace of mind. I’m in AA for the same reason as you are, whether or not you have religion.

I hope a time will come when non-believers aren’t a sub-group that is grudgingly tolerated but instead are regarded as people who show AA is more concerned about being properly effective than about preserving AA orthodoxy.

The best way to make people realise that us non-believers aren’t working against AA or practising Satanic animal sacrifices at night is to share a positive message of recovery that everyone can relate to; to share one’s experience, strength and hope in a manner that invites an empathetic understanding of how atheists and agnostics experience AA; to form friendships where you can, focusing on similarities and responding to differences graciously; to always assume that there is someone in the meeting who needs to hear that they are not the only one who feels the way they do; to do service at meeting level and perhaps beyond; reach out to newcomers of the same gender, simply reassuring them they’re not alone; embody an attractive version of recovery, remembering the phrase ‘attraction, not promotion.’ Use humour, if you’re good at that. This puts people at ease, especially self-deprecating humour.

Finally, let’s suppose the word ‘spirituality’ is meaningful. I discovered that my addiction wasn’t a by-product of alcohol abuse, it was ‘a false filling-up of spiritual emptiness.’ It was ‘a set of protective repetitions designed to eliminate difficult feelings and choices.’ (I’m quoting a writer friend of mine who wrote a very good book about heroin and alcohol addition.) My friend continues: “If it is a disease of More, then at last I am Enough. I’ve stopped taking life so personally. I’m not so plagued by shame and self-hate.’ What he really wanted in his years of drugging and drinking, he now realises – and I realise too – was connection and love. I’ve had those two things in AA, with both non-believers and religionists. I hope you get some too.

---

Brendan O’K is 59 and has been sober since July 23rd, 2005. As an agnostic, he found the Steps difficult to accept at times but did them with a sponsor all the same. Having adopted a more open-minded stance to things he disagreed with, he now felt able to get involved in establishing meetings for other agnostics, atheists and freethinkers in London, having seen many newcomers give up because of the programme’s religiosity. Once these meetings were up and running and providing support for fellow sceptics, he found he had got his resentments against AA off his chest and took part in both mainstream and secular meetings. Brendan wants to put back something of what was freely given to him by AA.

---

 

The post An Agnostic and Mainstream AA first appeared on AA Agnostica.