Category: source

12 Step Meetings: What is was like, what happened and what it’s like now!

Addiction Recovery Bulletin

Hindsight IS Indeed 2020 – 

by Dr. Don Grant, MA, MFA, DAC, SUDCC IV, PhD

November 27, 2020 – In the early 2000’s, I began to notice sobriety support “chat rooms” online, and online recovery opportunities increasing.  My observations of this phenomenon caused me to direct my doctoral work towards a non-prejudicial investigation of their use and efficacy value, ultimately resulting in choice of my dissertation topic and subsequently published research study exploring any potential differences between face-to-face (F2F) and online sobriety support.

It still stands as the only legitimate investigation comparing these two types of recovery communities and is entitled “Using social media for sobriety recovery: Beliefs, behaviors, and surprises from users of face-to-face and social media sobriety support.” 

My study investigated key questions related to F2F versus technologically mediated sobriety support. My original 2009 study hypothesis, and four subsequent research questions, have now become even more relevant in 2020.

more@AddictionRecoveryeBulletin

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The childhood drug addiction that inspired The Queen’s Gambit

Addiction Recovery Bulletin

Here comes the knight –  

Nov. 27, 2020 – Tevis, originally from San Francisco, learned to play chess as a young boy but fell ill at the age of eight. He was put in a nursing home and abandoned by his parents, who moved across the country to Kentucky, reports The Ringer.

In The Queen’s Gambit, we watch as eight-year-old Beth is put in an orphanage and becomes addicted to the tranquilisers she and the other girls are forced to take.

Similarly, Tevis was drugged with sedatives when he was left in the nursing home as a child. He was given barbiturates three times a day, starting him on a path to dependency.

“I loved it,” he told the San Francisco Examiner years later. “That may be one reason I became a drunk.” Tevis was later taken back in by his strict mother and alcoholic father and struggled to fit in at school in Lexington; just like Beth, an outsider among her peers.

As an adult, he got married and had two children. He became prolific short story writer, as well as a drinker and a gambler.

“He gambled my milk money away, and the way he got it back was by selling short stories to various magazines,” his son William later said.

more@Her

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5 Reasons to Start Addiction Treatment

Addiction Recovery Bulletin

And to stay alive – 

Nov. 23, 2020 – Everyone knows that tobacco causes cancer, and severe dental problems can happen due to the use of methamphetamine. It is common to hear about deaths occurring due to drug overuse, especially for those who take opioids for pain relief.  Some drugs like inhalants can destroy or damage nerve cells in the peripheral nervous system or the brain.

The threat of infections is also high for those addicted to drugs as sharing of injection equipment increases the chances of contracting HIV or hepatitis C, both of which are deadly diseases. Injecting drugs increases the chances of heart infection that affects the valves and can cause cellulitis, a skin infection. Often, mental illness aggravates due to the use of drugs. … Starting an addiction treatment at any of the luxury rehab centers will help reduce the cravings for the drug that put a check the drug intake and then coupled with psycho-therapy paves the way for giving up drugs altogether. It signals a new beginning as a continued treatment for the long term will help complete recovery from addiction, and people can start leading a regular life once again.

Going to a rehab center is the best way to start treatment for drug addiction, and here are some more reasons for choosing the treatment.

more@LiistStudio

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Is Work Addiction Hurting Your Career?

Addiction Recovery Bulletin

High or Low Bottom Line – 

November 28, 2020 – “They intoxicate themselves with work so they won’t see how they really are.” —Aldous Huxley.  The end result of these differing work styles may look the same from the outside—an unbalanced life dominated by long hours at the office—but each face expresses a different set of emotional vulnerabilities. The broad umbrella of work addiction is only a starting point. If you’re a relentless or dyed-in-the-wool work addict, you’re distinguished by high work initiation and high work completion. 

You work compulsively and constantly day and night, holidays and weekends, regardless of the deadline. You’re a hard-driving perfectionist, your work is thorough, and your standards practically unreachable.  When you approach a project with a six-month deadline as if it were tomorrow, you get an adrenaline charge. Getting the project finished early leaves extra time to focus on other job tasks. Your focus is constant initiation of tasks and completing them at all costs. If you’re a bulimic workaholic, you have out-of-control work habits that alternate between binges and purges and are distinguished by low work initiation and high work completion. If you’re an attention-deficit work addict (ADW), you’re distinguished by high work initiation but low work completion. You’re adrenaline seeking, easily bored and distracted, constantly after stimulation. Your appetite for excitement, crisis, and intense stimulation is a strategy you unwittingly use to focus on a task. You like risky jobs, recreation and living on the edge because it gives you an adrenaline charge that helps you focus at work or play. Creating tight deadlines, keeping many balls in the air and taking risks at work make it difficult for you to slow down and relax.  If you’re a savoring work addict, you’re the opposite of the ADW—slow, deliberate and methodical. You’re distinguished by low work initiation and low work completion.

You’re a consummate perfectionist, terrified deep down that the finished project is never good enough. You have difficulty telling when something is incomplete or finished. You savor your work as an alcoholic would savor a shot of bourbon. You inadvertently prolong and create additional work when you’re almost finished with a task. You’re notorious for creating to-do lists that take longer to generate than completing the task. 

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Miley’s Honest Update About Her Sobriety

Addiction Recovery Bulletin

Discomfort Zone – 

November 24, 2020 – Rather than getting mad at herself for going backward on her sobriety journey, Cyrus used the opportunity to figure out what caused the setback. “One of the things I’ve used is, ‘Don’t get furious, get curious,’” she said. “Don’t be mad at yourself, but ask yourself, ‘What happened?’ To me, it was a f*#k-up because I’m not a moderation person.” The singer went on to explain that while she doesn’t have a drinking problem, sobriety is important to her because she doesn’t like her mindset under the influence of alcohol and prefers to be fully present. “I don’t have a problem with drinking,” she said. “I have a problem with the decisions I make once I go past that level of [intoxication]. I’ve just been wanting to wake up 100 percent, 100 percent of the time.” “My mom was adopted, and I inherited some of the feelings she had, the abandonment feelings and wanting to prove that you’re wanted and valuable,” she explained. The singer also added that her dad, Billy Ray Cyrus, basically raised himself after his parents divorced when he was three years old. “I did a lot of family history, which has a lot of addiction and mental health challenges,” she said. “… By understanding the past, we understand the present and the future much more clearly.”

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Personal Privacy and Public Recovery Advocacy

By Bill White, Bill Stauffer and Danielle Tarino
Posted on the website, William White Papers, on November 19, 2020

A central strategy of the new recovery movement is sharing our stories in public and professional venues to change public perceptions and public policies related to addiction and recovery.

Drawing from earlier social movements, we learned that “contact strategies” – increasing personal contact between marginalized and mainstream populations – is one of the most effective means of reducing stigma and discrimination and expanding opportunities for full community participation.

Public attitudes toward those recovering from alcohol and other drug problems become more positive when members of the public have positive exposure to people living in long-term recovery with whom they can identify.

We also learned that there were limitations to this approach of public recovery storytelling. Changing personal attitudes of those exposed to our stories left in place much of the institutional machinery (e.g., laws, policies, and historical practices) that negatively affected individuals and families experiencing alcohol and other drug problems. Twenty years into the new recovery advocacy movement, discrimination against us remains pervasive. We must remain vigilant to prevent appropriation of our stories by others to support unrelated agendas. When this happens, we experience further marginalization.

People in recovery face discriminatory barriers in housing, employment, education, professional licensure, health care, and numerous arenas of public participation (such as voting and holding public office). Laws and regulations intended to protect us from discrimination remain unenforced. Addiction treatment remains of uneven quality, often lacking in long-term recovery orientation, and limited in its accessibility and affordability. Too many communities lack long-term recovery support services. And people in recovery continue to be excluded from meaningful representation within alcohol and drug and criminal justice policy discussions and decisions.

It is in this context that we must be clear about what our public recovery storytelling can and cannot achieve, and relatedly, who precisely is responsible for eliminating entrenched policies and practices that have such a direct impact on our lives.

There is a paradox within our anti-stigma efforts. We must challenge oppressive barriers to recovery and full participation in community life. As Frederick Douglass so clearly and eloquently stated, “Power concedes nothing without a demand.” Historical inertia and personal and institutional self-interests sustain structures of oppression until they are challenged. Who will pose such a challenge if not people in recovery?

Yet the ultimate responsibility for dismantling discriminatory practices rests upon the shoulders of the systems within which such oppressive machinery continues to operate. The responsibility to eliminate discrimination rests with those who discriminate. By itself, telling the perfect recovery story will not end discriminatory practices.

So where does recovery storytelling fit into all this? Our stories are a means of humanizing addiction and recovery – a means of challenging the myths, misconceptions, and caricatures that have let others objectify and isolate us. Our stories are an invitation for people to reconsider the sources of and solutions to alcohol and other drug problems. Our stories are a means of building relationships that embrace us within the human family – as people who share the dreams and aspirations of others.

Our stories, directly or indirectly, also constitute Douglass’ demand to change the structures that have prevented an embrace of our humanity and rendered us people to be feared, shunned, or punished.

This involves far more than changing people’s perceptions, attitudes, and behaviors toward those with lived experience of addiction and recovery. It involves identifying and eliminating the precise mechanisms (e.g., policies and practices) through which social shunning and discrimination have been institutionalized.

This is not to suggest that people in recovery have no role to play in this change process nor that we should passively embrace a victim status in the face of such systemic challenges. We can take responsibility for our own personal and family recovery, make amends to those we have harmed, and reach out to others still suffering. We can participate in recovery-focused research (to create a science of recovery that can challenge recovery misconceptions), participate in protests and advocacy efforts, offer our recovery stories in public and professional educational venues, and represent our lived experience within policy-making settings. Such actions have contributed to numerous positive changes.

Our stories possess immense power as long as we recognize our stories alone will not create recovery-friendly social institutions or recovery-inclusive communities. We must not allow our stories to stand as superficial window-dressings while discrimination remains pervasive, even among some of the very groups and institutions who on the surface support our storytelling. Our stories must support specific calls for institutional change. We must hold individuals and institutions that discriminate accountable until they eliminate such conditions.

How we craft and communicate our stories for public/professional consumption is an important element of this process of social change. Recovery advocacy organizations have a responsibility to prepare and support the vanguard of individuals who heed the call of this public story-sharing ministry. This includes building a community ethic that protects those who possess the bravery and privilege of sharing their recovery stories in public forums. Collecting our stories without meaningful dialogue about how our stories will be used and the protections we will be afforded is unacceptable.

This is the first in a continuing series of blogs on personal privacy and public recovery advocacy. We hope it will set recovery storytelling within a larger context. The remaining blogs will explore the risks of public recovery storytelling, the ethics of public recovery story sharing, and suggest guidelines on protecting personal privacy and safety within the context of public recovery storytelling. The impetus for this series comes from our knowledge of individuals who have experienced unanticipated harm related to their advocacy efforts.

As Bill just mentioned, this is the first article “in a continuing series of blogs on personal privacy and public recovery advocacy”. Here is the second:

William White has a Master’s degree in Addiction Studies and has worked in outreach, clinical research and teaching roles in the addictions field since 1969. Bill has authored or co-authored more than 400 articles and 21 books, including Slaying the Dragon – The History of Addiction Treatment and Recovery in America and, more recently, Recovery Rising.

Bill has served as a historian and thought leader of the U.S. recovery advocacy movement since the late 1990s and has served as a volunteer consultant to Faces and Voices of Recovery and local recovery community organizations since the early 2000s.

And here is a listing Bill provided of three recovery advocacy organizations:

Faces and Voices of Recovery is committed to eliminating discrimination against people in recovery and shaping public policy and educating people by bringing recovery into the consciousness of Americans. Faces and Voices of Recovery envisions a world in which recovery from addiction is a common, celebrated reality – a world where individuals will not experience shame when seeking help.

The Association of Recovery Community Organizations (ARCO) unites and supports a growing network of Recovery Community Organizations (ROCs). ARCO links them and their leaders with local and national allies. There are now 100 of these within ARCO and their goals include educating the public about the reality of recovery, advocating on behalf of the recovery community, and delivering recovery support services.

Young People in Recovery envisions a world where all young people have the resources they need to thrive in recovery from addiction to drugs and alcohol. YPR’s core values are community, caring, respect, inclusion, and commitment. It is working to make communities overall safe and recovery-ready.

 

The post Personal Privacy and Public Recovery Advocacy first appeared on AA Agnostica.

Once a Sick Drug Addict

Chapter 6:
Do Tell! Stories by Atheists and Agnostics in AA

Patricia K.

I crawled into AA as a sick drug addict. At that time 12 step programs for my drug of choice did not exist in my area. It took me a number of years of sitting in the back of AA meetings and wondering if I belonged, to understand that I was indeed an alcoholic. I had the same disease that was being talked about in the literature and from the podium, I just happened to use other drugs as well as alcohol.

When I got to AA, I was emaciated and sick of body and heart.

My use of alcohol and other drugs had rendered my 34 year old body into a knot of pain and tension that was held together by anger and resentment. I wore a black leather jacket and I had an attitude and a vocabulary to match; all meant to keep the world at bay. The reality was, I was terrified. My life up until that point had been full of abuse. Abused as a child, physically, sexually and mentally, I then become a mark for future abuse. To my mind the phrase “he hit me because he loves me”, made sense. Before recovery I used any substance I could to numb the pain: alcohol, other drugs, men, food. It took years of step work and therapy to unravel all of this.

I first hit bottom during one of my many attempts to go university. Two of my classmates were in recovery in AA. Although I was drinking and using, I had a sense that we were kindred spirits. These two women listened to my horror stories of drinking and fights, and drug sickness. They came to the hospital when I had been beaten up by my ex-husband. One day, as I was going on about what a bastard my ex was, one of these women very gently said: “Do you think maybe you are the one with the problem?“ I can still hear her voice. I started to attend AA meetings but was not convinced that I had a problem. I went to meetings drunk and high. I went to find a way to get HIM sober.

And then I had a moment of clarity. A street clinic doctor told me that I would soon die if I did not stop my destructive lifestyle. Lying on that hospital gurney and wanting nothing more than to get back to the drug that I had just overdosed on, the word powerless came to mind and I knew it was true. I admitted I was an alcoholic/addict. There was nothing divine about that occurrence. I had obviously heard what I needed to hear at the meetings I had attended even though I was under the influence.

Looking back at that young woman I was in early recovery I feel such empathy and respect for her. It was a struggle to understand life and to try to learn to accept my past and to believe that I could have a future in which I did not get beat up, I was not drug sick or hung over. Early on in my recovery, I accepted that I was an alcoholic/drug addict and that I could not safely use any mind altering substance.

However, I was tormented by pain, anger, shame and guilt for how I had lived my life, and I had yet to learn other ways to deal with these feelings. As a result, I didn’t stay clean and sober right away. I had a number of one day relapses. However, I was taught to learn from those relapses. I was told to figure out if I was doing something that I shouldn’t be, something that jeopardized my sobriety: an unhealthy relationship perhaps? I had to figure out what had caused me to relapse. Was I not dealing with the feelings that were surfacing now that I had stopped anesthetizing myself? Was I being honest? Going to meetings? Seeking the help and support I needed inside and outside AA? Was I trying to be of service? I had to grapple with these questions and figure out what I needed to do to stay clean and sober. There was no other entity earthbound or otherwise that was going to figure this out for me.

I was also grappling with the whole concept of god.

I am an atheist. I do not believe in god and yet I have remained sober in AA since Nov 9, 1986. Sober and attending a program that suggested that I could not get sober without a god.

I am one of those individuals who were told to “fake it till you make it” and I did that because I didn’t want to die. I did try to find a god of my understanding. I prayed, even so far as to get on my knees to do so. But I could not believe in a god that would grant me sobriety if I asked in the right way. When I was nine months clean and sober, I returned to school to study Addictions and Mental Health and there were two nuns in my class. I would have long conversations with them about the nature of spirituality and religion.

It didn’t help… I still did not believe.

A doctoral dissertation – “Experiences of Atheists and Agnostics in AA” – is based on the book Do Tell. For more information click on the above image.

However I continued to attend meetings of AA and other 12 step programs and I am very thankful for the support that I received there. I read the Big Book and took some very good guidance from what I read. I did however change my copy so that “He” was taken out of the text. Later the term “God” was taken out. I used a paper clip to contain parts of the book such as the chapter “To Wives” because I found it to be sexist and codependent. I figured it was my book, it was my sobriety and I would do what I needed to stay sober and fairly sane.

It is only in the last 10 years that I have come out as an atheist in AA. At first, I began to speak tentatively of my non-belief. I wanted to tell the truth and I thought there may be others who needed to hear that I do not believe in any god, but I was nervous. And rightly so. I did get flak from some quarters. It was even suggest by one person that perhaps I am not an alcoholic after all, if I could remain sober without god.

However I also got encouragement and even thanks for sharing my non beliefs and the fact that I had remained clean/sober for 20 + years without god.

About five years ago, I was told that an Agnostic, Atheists and Free Thinkers group had been started in my area. At first, I was reluctant to attend. Even after many years of sobriety, I remembered what my life was like before I found the 12 step fellowships and I remembered the struggle to gain and maintain sobriety and I did not want to jeopardize my sobriety. Even though I did not believe in god and I did question much of the dogma of the program, mainstream AA and other 12 step programs had been my reed and I was afraid to let go. However, curiosity got the best of me and I finally went to a meeting of Beyond Belief.

Far from jeopardizing my sobriety, attending Agnostic, Atheists and Free Thinkers meetings has deepened and enhanced my sobriety. I found acceptance for the non-believer that I was. No one was going to try to convert me or, worse, question my sobriety because I did not believe in god. In the Agnostic, Atheist and Free Thinkers meetings I didn’t have to pretend to believe in something I did not. I did not have to deny that I believe that I am solely responsibility for my sobriety. It is up to me to figure out what to do to remain sober and then do it. Of course I am not doing this alone. I have had and continue to have great teachers and support in the fellowship.

And it has worked so far. Using the tools that I had picked up in 12 step programs, I have remained sober through the deaths of both of my parents. Relationships and jobs have come and gone. There have been financial and health difficulties but still have had not had to drink or do drugs.

My life is far from perfect but it is so much more than I ever believed I could have. I deal with depression and PTSD every day. When I was nine years clean I was suicidal and so I finally took the advice of my doctor and started to take medication. Her words “it will give you an opportunity to get a foot hold on life”. Many years of therapy and 12 step work later, I am now not on medication. However, I would have no qualms about going on a medication with the consultation of my doctors if I felt it necessary.

Although I still have these “issues” in my life, today I have a rich full life. I finally finished university. I have a good job that I enjoy. I am not wealthy but the bills are paid. I found my creativity. I found my love of nature and the joy in being outside. I am a tree hugger. The biggest payoff for me in staying clean and sober is the respect I have for myself today. I can look in the mirror and know that I have not deliberately harmed another person today. Although the wording of the original 12 steps is archaic and Christian-based, digging down, I found the essence of each step, the principle it is based on. These are my creed for living.

In Twelve and Twelve it states, “Of course, we were glad that good home and religious training had given us certain values”. Coming from an abusive and dysfunctional family I did not have that kind of education. The only values I learnt as a child were the value of a “26er” and the value of a good lie to keep from being beaten or abused. My religious education consisted of me being sent to stand outside the classroom because I would not accept some nonsense the nuns were trying to feed me.

I do not mean to sound bitter, so forgive me if I do. I am not. I honestly believe in what the late, great John Lennon said, “Whatever gets you through the night”. I am happy for believers and wish them well. I hope there is room for all of us in Alcoholics Anonymous, believers and non-believers alike.

Do Tell! [Front Cover]This is a chapter from the book: Do Tell! Stories by Atheists and Agnostics in AA.

The paperback version of Do Tell! is available at Amazon. It is also available via Amazon in Canada and the United Kingdom.

It can be purchased online in all eBook formats, including Kindle, Kobo and Nook and as an iBook for Macs and iPads.

The post Once a Sick Drug Addict first appeared on AA Agnostica.

Once a Sick Drug Addict

Chapter 6:
Do Tell! Stories by Atheists and Agnostics in AA

Patricia K.

I crawled into AA as a sick drug addict. At that time 12 step programs for my drug of choice did not exist in my area. It took me a number of years of sitting in the back of AA meetings and wondering if I belonged, to understand that I was indeed an alcoholic. I had the same disease that was being talked about in the literature and from the podium, I just happened to use other drugs as well as alcohol.

When I got to AA, I was emaciated and sick of body and heart.

My use of alcohol and other drugs had rendered my 34 year old body into a knot of pain and tension that was held together by anger and resentment. I wore a black leather jacket and I had an attitude and a vocabulary to match; all meant to keep the world at bay. The reality was, I was terrified. My life up until that point had been full of abuse. Abused as a child, physically, sexually and mentally, I then become a mark for future abuse. To my mind the phrase “he hit me because he loves me”, made sense. Before recovery I used any substance I could to numb the pain: alcohol, other drugs, men, food. It took years of step work and therapy to unravel all of this.

I first hit bottom during one of my many attempts to go university. Two of my classmates were in recovery in AA. Although I was drinking and using, I had a sense that we were kindred spirits. These two women listened to my horror stories of drinking and fights, and drug sickness. They came to the hospital when I had been beaten up by my ex-husband. One day, as I was going on about what a bastard my ex was, one of these women very gently said: “Do you think maybe you are the one with the problem?“ I can still hear her voice. I started to attend AA meetings but was not convinced that I had a problem. I went to meetings drunk and high. I went to find a way to get HIM sober.

And then I had a moment of clarity. A street clinic doctor told me that I would soon die if I did not stop my destructive lifestyle. Lying on that hospital gurney and wanting nothing more than to get back to the drug that I had just overdosed on, the word powerless came to mind and I knew it was true. I admitted I was an alcoholic/addict. There was nothing divine about that occurrence. I had obviously heard what I needed to hear at the meetings I had attended even though I was under the influence.

Looking back at that young woman I was in early recovery I feel such empathy and respect for her. It was a struggle to understand life and to try to learn to accept my past and to believe that I could have a future in which I did not get beat up, I was not drug sick or hung over. Early on in my recovery, I accepted that I was an alcoholic/drug addict and that I could not safely use any mind altering substance.

However, I was tormented by pain, anger, shame and guilt for how I had lived my life, and I had yet to learn other ways to deal with these feelings. As a result, I didn’t stay clean and sober right away. I had a number of one day relapses. However, I was taught to learn from those relapses. I was told to figure out if I was doing something that I shouldn’t be, something that jeopardized my sobriety: an unhealthy relationship perhaps? I had to figure out what had caused me to relapse. Was I not dealing with the feelings that were surfacing now that I had stopped anesthetizing myself? Was I being honest? Going to meetings? Seeking the help and support I needed inside and outside AA? Was I trying to be of service? I had to grapple with these questions and figure out what I needed to do to stay clean and sober. There was no other entity earthbound or otherwise that was going to figure this out for me.

I was also grappling with the whole concept of god.

I am an atheist. I do not believe in god and yet I have remained sober in AA since Nov 9, 1986. Sober and attending a program that suggested that I could not get sober without a god.

I am one of those individuals who were told to “fake it till you make it” and I did that because I didn’t want to die. I did try to find a god of my understanding. I prayed, even so far as to get on my knees to do so. But I could not believe in a god that would grant me sobriety if I asked in the right way. When I was nine months clean and sober, I returned to school to study Addictions and Mental Health and there were two nuns in my class. I would have long conversations with them about the nature of spirituality and religion.

It didn’t help… I still did not believe.

A doctoral dissertation – “Experiences of Atheists and Agnostics in AA” – is based on the book Do Tell. For more information click on the above image.

However I continued to attend meetings of AA and other 12 step programs and I am very thankful for the support that I received there. I read the Big Book and took some very good guidance from what I read. I did however change my copy so that “He” was taken out of the text. Later the term “God” was taken out. I used a paper clip to contain parts of the book such as the chapter “To Wives” because I found it to be sexist and codependent. I figured it was my book, it was my sobriety and I would do what I needed to stay sober and fairly sane.

It is only in the last 10 years that I have come out as an atheist in AA. At first, I began to speak tentatively of my non-belief. I wanted to tell the truth and I thought there may be others who needed to hear that I do not believe in any god, but I was nervous. And rightly so. I did get flak from some quarters. It was even suggest by one person that perhaps I am not an alcoholic after all, if I could remain sober without god.

However I also got encouragement and even thanks for sharing my non beliefs and the fact that I had remained clean/sober for 20 + years without god.

About five years ago, I was told that an Agnostic, Atheists and Free Thinkers group had been started in my area. At first, I was reluctant to attend. Even after many years of sobriety, I remembered what my life was like before I found the 12 step fellowships and I remembered the struggle to gain and maintain sobriety and I did not want to jeopardize my sobriety. Even though I did not believe in god and I did question much of the dogma of the program, mainstream AA and other 12 step programs had been my reed and I was afraid to let go. However, curiosity got the best of me and I finally went to a meeting of Beyond Belief.

Far from jeopardizing my sobriety, attending Agnostic, Atheists and Free Thinkers meetings has deepened and enhanced my sobriety. I found acceptance for the non-believer that I was. No one was going to try to convert me or, worse, question my sobriety because I did not believe in god. In the Agnostic, Atheist and Free Thinkers meetings I didn’t have to pretend to believe in something I did not. I did not have to deny that I believe that I am solely responsibile for my sobriety. It is up to me to figure out what to do to remain sober and then do it. Of course I am not doing this alone. I have had and continue to have great teachers and support in the fellowship.

And it has worked so far. Using the tools that I had picked up in 12 step programs, I have remained sober through the deaths of both of my parents. Relationships and jobs have come and gone. There have been financial and health difficulties but still have had not had to drink or do drugs.

My life is far from perfect but it is so much more than I ever believed I could have. I deal with depression and PTSD every day. When I was nine years clean I was suicidal and so I finally took the advice of my doctor and started to take medication. Her words “it will give you an opportunity to get a foot hold on life”. Many years of therapy and 12 step work later, I am now not on medication. However, I would have no qualms about going on a medication with the consultation of my doctors if I felt it necessary.

Although I still have these “issues” in my life, today I have a rich full life. I finally finished university. I have a good job that I enjoy. I am not wealthy but the bills are paid. I found my creativity. I found my love of nature and the joy in being outside. I am a tree hugger. The biggest payoff for me in staying clean and sober is the respect I have for myself today. I can look in the mirror and know that I have not deliberately harmed another person today. Although the wording of the original 12 steps is archaic and Christian-based, digging down, I found the essence of each step, the principle it is based on. These are my creed for living.

In Twelve and Twelve it states, “Of course, we were glad that good home and religious training had given us certain values”. Coming from an abusive and dysfunctional family I did not have that kind of education. The only values I learnt as a child were the value of a “26er” and the value of a good lie to keep from being beaten or abused. My religious education consisted of me being sent to stand outside the classroom because I would not accept some nonsense the nuns were trying to feed me.

I do not mean to sound bitter, so forgive me if I do. I am not. I honestly believe in what the late, great John Lennon said, “Whatever gets you through the night”. I am happy for believers and wish them well. I hope there is room for all of us in Alcoholics Anonymous, believers and non-believers alike.

Do Tell! [Front Cover]This is a chapter from the book: Do Tell! Stories by Atheists and Agnostics in AA.

The paperback version of Do Tell! is available at Amazon. It is also available via Amazon in Canada and the United Kingdom.

It can be purchased online in all eBook formats, including Kindle, Kobo and Nook and as an iBook for Macs and iPads.

The post Once a Sick Drug Addict first appeared on AA Agnostica.

My Husband Is a Porn Addict in Recovery

Addiction Recovery Bulletin

Thank you for not sharing – 

Nov. 14, 2020 – “I gave in to my craving and watched porn,” he said. Silence. What exactly is one supposed to say? “Thanks for being so honest and transparent with me”?

All I wanted to do was scream and yell like a child, “Nooo! It’s not fair!”

“I need to be transparent with you.” Just a few words and my entire world felt like it was caving in. Crushing me.

Again.

My hopes, my dreams, my trust … shattered. Anger. Sadness. Loneliness filling its place. I was 24 years old, married for 4 years, with two children in tow and I was pregnant with a third when I found out about my husband’s porn addiction. My world turned upside down and it became very dark at that time in my life. In my extreme pain I miscarried the baby I was carrying.

What was the point? I assumed that we did not stand a chance to pull through the storm.

I sat in front of rabbis and therapists and begged, pleaded, for an easy way out. It would be easier to throw in the towel on our marriage. After all, I didn’t sign up for this!

It’s been almost two decades now. Two decades of this life of mine, being married to a porn addict. An addict in recovery.

Day in and day out I have chosen to stay. And that has been the best decision I’ve ever made in my entire life. I’ve been through all the stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Yes, of course my situation comes with the pain and discomfort of holding onto fears, trauma, and uncertainty … I constantly need to keep my anger and ego in check. It takes work. And loads of faith.

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Pills to powder: 1 in 3 high school seniors who misused prescription opioids later used heroin

Addiction Recovery Bulletin

Graduating to Oblivion U. –  

Oct. 20, 2020 – “There was an increase in opioid prescribing in the 1990s and 2000s that contributed to the opioid epidemic,” he said. “Health professionals and the larger public health community owe it to these individuals to understand the downstream effects of overprescribing and develop effective interventions.”

The researchers were surprised by the large uptick in heroin use among the more recent cohorts, and the findings partially explain why opioid overdoses have skyrocketed, Veliz said.

“These prevalence estimates of heroin use are very high, considering the general population annual estimates are less than 1%,” McCabe said. “And anyone in the study with a history of heroin use at baseline was excluded, which makes the findings more conclusive.”

Based on national estimates, the number of people in the United States using heroin has increased from 373,000 in 2007 to 808,000 in 2018. The largest increase in heroin use over this time period has occurred among adults aged 26 and older.

Although the vast majority of prescription opioid exposure does not lead to heroin use, heroin incidence and prevalence rates were significantly greater among those who reported prescription opioid misuse, the researchers say.

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