Category: From AA Agnostica

The Little Book – Second Edition

by Roger C

PREAMBLE

AA Agnostica has now published a total of ten books in the last eight years. And the last two of these ten were just published and are now available! These are:

  1. The second edition of The Little Book: A Collection of Alternative 12 Steps, and
  2. Its French translation Le petit livre jaune: Les douze étapes vues autrement.

More about these books is coming up, but first, a bit about Alcoholics Anonymous.

Let’s be clear: AA needs to grow up. It hinges itself almost entirely on something called the Big Book, in which the word “God” or another version of “Him” is found 281 times in the first 164 pages. And six of the 12 Steps have a supernatural, interventionist and male God in them. Why is that? Well, it’s an ancient book, published in 1939. And its author was a member of the Oxford Group, a Christian evangelical movement that had its heyday in the 1930s. The USA was very Christian at that time. It took another couple of decades – 1962 – before the Supreme Court banned the use of prayers – including the Lord’s Prayer – at public schools (The Lord’s Prayer and the Law).

The Big Book is eighty-two years old! Worse yet, it is “Conference-approved” by AA. What does that mean? Well, it means that if you go to a traditional AA meeting – the overwhelming majority of the meetings are “traditional” – you will only find a very few “Conference –approved” books on a Literature Table and all of them very old. Everything else written about alcoholism and what might help you in recovery is either rejected or ignored.

I got sober a little over a decade ago. While I was in rehab – Homewood in Guelph, Ontario – I tried to find literature on recovery, other than the ancient and godly AA stuff.  Couldn’t find a thing. And, to be honest, at the time there were very, very few books that were either contemporary or written by and respectful of non-believers in recovery.

That is why a few years later, after the creation of the AA Agnostica website, I started to publish a few books. The very first was The Little Book.

Let me also add this: there are many, many other new and wonderful secular AA books by a variety of authors these days. Here are just two of them. Beyond Belief – Agnostic Musings for 12 Step Life. The author, Joe C, was one of the founders of the first ongoing secular AA meeting in Canada, also called Beyond Belief. I met Joe when I was a regular attendee of that meeting. And Staying Sober Without God. The author is Jeffrey Munn, a Californian, who attended a Secular Ontario AA Roundup (SOAAR) which I helped organize prior to the pandemic and was held in my hometown, Hamilton, Ontario.

SECOND EDITION OF THE LITTLE BOOK

The Little Book: A Collection of Alternative 12 Steps was first published in 2013. The title was chosen to indicate that, while it was all about the Steps and recovery, it was in some ways the opposite of the Big Book.

The second edition now contains 20 versions of the 12 Steps. The oldest version, I believe, which is also in the First Edition, are the Humanist 12 Steps published in 1987 and written by B. F. Skinner, a winner of the Humanist of the Year award.

There are four new versions in the second edition. The newest version is The Practical 12 Steps, written by Jeffrey Munn and published in 2019. And, thanks to the French translator, Louise, there is also a version by the first ever secular AA group in Québec, les Libres-penseurs (Freethinkers). Those Steps were shared in an article on AA Agnostica in 2018.

The Little Book still contains four secular interpretations of each one of the Steps. No “Higher Power” is required or demanded. It’s all about “a personality change sufficient to bring about recovery from alcoholism”. And that’s your goal and your work, and to this end, with the support and encouragement of others in recovery.

More about the second edition can be found below. Overall it has been updated, and hopefully it has been made even more pleasurable to read. I encourage you to read The Little Book – even though it’s not “Conference-approved” – and, indeed, to read any number of the more contemporary and very helpful books on the topic of recovery.

THE LITTLE BOOK – Second Edition

“A beautiful testimony to AA’s living history.” Ernest Kurtz, author, Not God: A History of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Inside the book:

Part 1: Twenty alternative versions of the 12 Steps reflecting a wide range of perspectives.

Part 2: Four interpretations of each of the Steps by well-known authors.

After each of these parts, there are templates so the reader can write her or his own personal 12 Steps and an interpretation of each one of them.

Part 3: An essay that traces the origins of the AA 12 Step recovery program.

The Little Book is a celebration of the many ways people are today adapting and interpreting the original 12 Steps in order to achieve a “personality change sufficient to bring about recovery from alcoholism”.

The paperback version – second edition – is available at Amazon USA. It is also available via Amazon in Canada and the United Kingdom and, well, several other continents and countries.

 

The post The Little Book – Second Edition first appeared on AA Agnostica.

The Little Book – Second Edition

by Roger C

PREAMBLE

AA Agnostica has now published a total of ten books in the last eight years. And the last two of these ten were just published and are now available! These are:

  1. The second edition of The Little Book: A Collection of Alternative 12 Steps, and
  2. Its French translation Le petit livre jaune: Les douze étapes vues autrement.

More about these books is coming up, but first, a bit about Alcoholics Anonymous.

Let’s be clear: AA needs to grow up. It hinges itself almost entirely on something called the Big Book, in which the word “God” or another version of “Him” is found 281 times in the first 164 pages. And six of the 12 Steps have a supernatural, interventionist and male God in them. Why is that? Well, it’s an ancient book, published in 1939. And its author was a member of the Oxford Group, a Christian evangelical movement that had its heyday in the 1930s. The USA was very Christian at that time. It took another couple of decades – 1962 – before the Supreme Court banned the use of prayers – including the Lord’s Prayer – at public schools (The Lord’s Prayer and the Law).

The Big Book is eighty-two years old! Worse yet, it is “Conference-approved” by AA. What does that mean? Well, it means that if you go to a traditional AA meeting – the overwhelming majority of the meetings are “traditional” – you will only find a very few “Conference –approved” books on a Literature Table and all of them very old. Everything else written about alcoholism and what might help you in recovery is either rejected or ignored.

I got sober a little over a decade ago. While I was in rehab – Homewood in Guelph, Ontario – I tried to find literature on recovery, other than the ancient and godly AA stuff.  Couldn’t find a thing. And, to be honest, at the time there were very, very few books that were either contemporary or written by and respectful of non-believers in recovery.

That is why a few years later, after the creation of the AA Agnostica website, I started to publish a few books. The very first was The Little Book.

Let me also add this: there are many, many other new and wonderful secular AA books by a variety of authors these days. Here are just two of them. Beyond Belief – Agnostic Musings for 12 Step Life. The author, Joe C, was one of the founders of the first ongoing secular AA meeting in Canada, also called Beyond Belief. I met Joe when I was a regular attendee of that meeting. And Staying Sober Without God. The author is Jeffrey Munn, a Californian, who attended a Secular Ontario AA Roundup (SOAAR) which I helped organize prior to the pandemic and was held in my hometown, Hamilton, Ontario.

SECOND EDITION OF THE LITTLE BOOK

The Little Book: A Collection of Alternative 12 Steps was first published in 2013. The title was chosen to indicate that, while it was all about the Steps and recovery, it was in some ways the opposite of the Big Book.

The second edition now contains 20 versions of the 12 Steps. The oldest version, I believe, which is also in the First Edition, are the Humanist 12 Steps published in 1987 and written by B. F. Skinner, a winner of the Humanist of the Year award.

There are four new versions in the second edition. The newest version is The Practical 12 Steps, written by Jeffrey Munn and published in 2019. And, thanks to the French translator, Louise, there is also a version by the first ever secular AA group in Québec, les Libres-penseurs (Freethinkers). Those Steps were shared in an article on AA Agnostica in 2018.

The Little Book still contains four secular interpretations of each one of the Steps. No “Higher Power” is required or demanded. It’s all about “a personality change sufficient to bring about recovery from alcoholism”. And that’s your goal and your work, and to this end, with the support and encouragement of others in recovery.

More about the second edition can be found below. Overall it has been updated, and hopefully it has been made even more pleasurable to read. I encourage you to read The Little Book – even though it’s not “Conference-approved” – and, indeed, to read any number of the more contemporary and very helpful books on the topic of recovery.

THE LITTLE BOOK – Second Edition

“A beautiful testimony to AA’s living history.” Ernest Kurtz, author, Not God: A History of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Inside the book:

Part 1: Twenty alternative versions of the 12 Steps reflecting a wide range of perspectives.

Part 2: Four interpretations of each of the Steps by well-known authors.

After each of these parts, there are templates so the reader can write her or his own personal 12 Steps and an interpretation of each one of them.

Part 3: An essay that traces the origins of the AA 12 Step recovery program.

The Little Book is a celebration of the many ways people are today adapting and interpreting the original 12 Steps in order to achieve a “personality change sufficient to bring about recovery from alcoholism”.

The paperback version – second edition – is available at Amazon USA. It is also available via Amazon in Canada and the United Kingdom and, well, several other continents and countries.

 

The post The Little Book – Second Edition first appeared on AA Agnostica.

Présentation du Petit livre jaune

par Louise B

PRÉAMBULE

Tout s’est passé vite. À l’été 2020, un membre d’Ottawa habitué des groupes AA laïcs de sa ville me tient un discours statistique sur l’appartenance religieuse de la population générale du Canada. J’ai oublié le pourcentage exact, mais j’ai été frappée  par l’indifférence des Canadiens face à la pratique religieuse.

Du coup, je me retrouve en pensée dans mon groupe d’attache dont la très grande majorité des membres ont plus de cinquante ans. De temps à autre arrive une jeune recrue… que nous ne reverrons pas. Tout s’éclaire : le discours religieux des AA traditionnels a sur les jeunes un effet dissuasif. Le message ne les atteint pas.

Or, les jeunes ne sont pas les seuls qu’agace l’intense présence de Dieu dans le déroulement des réunions AA. Intellectuellement adepte du védisme et du bouddhisme, je n’en peux plus des bondieuseries judéo-chrétiennes dans mon groupe. Au point que l’honnêteté me force à abandonner mes fonctions, et le groupe lui-même.

Mais le message de mon ami athée et agnostique, comme lui-même se définit, a porté ses fruits et je trouve dans la liste des réunions virtuelles un groupe francophone pour athées et agnostiques. Les Libres-penseurs accueillent tout le monde ; l’ouverture d’esprit de ses membres est rafraichissante. Dès la première réunion, je sais que je viens de trouver mon groupe d’attache pour un bon moment.

LE PETIT LIVRE JAUNE

Désireuse de servir, je fais part aux Libres-penseurs de mes compétences professionnelles en traduction. Le groupe ne laisse pas passer l’occasion ; il estime qu’il faut accorder la priorité au Little Book de Roger C. ainsi titré par les anglophones pour faire un rappel du Big Book. Je le traduirai.

Ce n’est pas parce que le client est AA Agnostica et les Libres-penseurs que la tâche sera facile. Du côté du client, rien à redire : les Libres-penseurs ont fait montre de patience, AA Agnostica aussi. Il n’en reste pas moins que chaque traduction, chaque nouveau client sont un défi. C’est le cas ici.

Premier frein : Les Libres-penseurs veulent modifier la formulation de leurs propres étapes. Il faut attendre le texte définitif puisque la version Libres-penseurs sera incluse dans Le petit livre jaune. De plus, l’auteur modifie parfois les textes anglais après qu’ils ont été traduits, avec des répercussions dont lui-même n’est pas conscient. C’est un scénario bien connu en traduction! Travail de fourmi en vue en dépit des avancées informatiques en production de texte.

Deuxième difficulté : les nombreuses références aux textes de base en français. Si certains sont facilement accessibles, comme les douze étapes d’origine, il n’en est pas de même pour d’autres comme Transmets-le ou des textes de Bill W. dans Grapevine. Il faudra négocier avec le service des Archives d’AA pour obtenir les originaux français de toutes les publications. Merci aux Archives puisque la demande d’AA Agnostica sera finalement agréée.

Enfin, le travail de mise en forme avec une personne d’une langue différente a été une fabuleuse expérience de patience. Aucune ironie ici : ensemble, le metteur en page et moi, avons produit 10 versions du Petit livre jaune avant de crier : « Victoire ! » Je suis reconnaissante à Chris G. d’être resté impassible tout au long de l’aventure. Il a dû m’inspirer puisque je n’ai jamais connu avec lui de moment d’exaspération et que, au contraire, ses fantaisies involontaires m’ont fait sourire. Je m’en voudrais de ne pas mentionner le soutien indéfectible de l’auteur, Roger C. Je souhaite que mes multiples demandes et exigences ne le découragent pas d’ouvrir d’autres chantiers de traduction.

Enfin, j’ai largement profité du travail exécuté dans le cadre de l’adaptation du Petit livre jaune. J’ai été plongée au coeur des préceptes et des valeurs qui font les groupes AA athées ou agnostiques. J’ai la conviction d’être à ma place. Que ce soit le cas de tous ceux et celles qui croient trouver en eux-mêmes et en elles-mêmes et au sein d’un groupe d’alcooliques la solution à leur problème d’alcool. Je leur dédie la traduction du Petit livre jaune.

Le petit livre jaune

«–Un merveilleux témoignage de la marche continue de l’histoire des AA.–» ERNEST KURTZ, Auteur de Not-God: A History of Alcoholics Anonymous.

CONTENU :

  • Vingt versions des douze étapes.

  • Les interprétations de chacune des étapes par quatre experts renommés : Stephanie Covington, Thérèse Jacobs-Stewart, Allen Berger et Gabor Maté. Des gabarits pour écrire une version personnelle et des interprétions de chacune des étapes.

  • Un essai qui trace l’histoire des douze étapes et qui pose un regard critique sur cette histoire.

Le petit livre jaune est une célébration des nombreuses façons dont les gens adaptent et interprètent les douze étapes afin de parvenir à un «–changement de personnalité qui suffit à entraîner le rétablissement de l’alcoolique–».

Le petit livre jaune, écrit par Roger C et traduit par Louise B, est disponible sur Amazon. Voici quelque liens:

Amazon USA;
Amazon Canada et
Amazon France.

 

The post Présentation du Petit livre jaune first appeared on AA Agnostica.

Présentation du Petit livre jaune

par Louise B

PRÉAMBULE

Tout s’est passé vite. À l’été 2020, un membre d’Ottawa habitué des groupes AA laïcs de sa ville me tient un discours statistique sur l’appartenance religieuse de la population générale du Canada. J’ai oublié le pourcentage exact, mais j’ai été frappée  par l’indifférence des Canadiens face à la pratique religieuse.

Du coup, je me retrouve en pensée dans mon groupe d’attache dont la très grande majorité des membres ont plus de cinquante ans. De temps à autre arrive une jeune recrue… que nous ne reverrons pas. Tout s’éclaire : le discours religieux des AA traditionnels a sur les jeunes un effet dissuasif. Le message ne les atteint pas.

Or, les jeunes ne sont pas les seuls qu’agace l’intense présence de Dieu dans le déroulement des réunions AA. Intellectuellement adepte du védisme et du bouddhisme, je n’en peux plus des bondieuseries judéo-chrétiennes dans mon groupe. Au point que l’honnêteté me force à abandonner mes fonctions, et le groupe lui-même.

Mais le message de mon ami athée et agnostique, comme lui-même se définit, a porté ses fruits et je trouve dans la liste des réunions virtuelles un groupe francophone pour athées et agnostiques. Les Libres-penseurs accueillent tout le monde ; l’ouverture d’esprit de ses membres est rafraichissante. Dès la première réunion, je sais que je viens de trouver mon groupe d’attache pour un bon moment.

LE PETIT LIVRE JAUNE

Désireuse de servir, je fais part aux Libres-penseurs de mes compétences professionnelles en traduction. Le groupe ne laisse pas passer l’occasion ; il estime qu’il faut accorder la priorité au Little Book de Roger C. ainsi titré par les anglophones pour faire un rappel du Big Book. Je le traduirai.

Ce n’est pas parce que le client est AA Agnostica et les Libres-penseurs que la tâche sera facile. Du côté du client, rien à redire : les Libres-penseurs ont fait montre de patience, AA Agnostica aussi. Il n’en reste pas moins que chaque traduction, chaque nouveau client sont un défi. C’est le cas ici.

Premier frein : Les Libres-penseurs veulent modifier la formulation de leurs propres étapes. Il faut attendre le texte définitif puisque la version Libres-penseurs sera incluse dans Le petit livre jaune. De plus, l’auteur modifie parfois les textes anglais après qu’ils ont été traduits, avec des répercussions dont lui-même n’est pas conscient. C’est un scénario bien connu en traduction! Travail de fourmi en vue en dépit des avancées informatiques en production de texte.

Deuxième difficulté : les nombreuses références aux textes de base en français. Si certains sont facilement accessibles, comme les douze étapes d’origine, il n’en est pas de même pour d’autres comme Transmets-le ou des textes de Bill W. dans Grapevine. Il faudra négocier avec le service des Archives d’AA pour obtenir les originaux français de toutes les publications. Merci aux Archives puisque la demande d’AA Agnostica sera finalement agréée.

Enfin, le travail de mise en forme avec une personne d’une langue différente a été une fabuleuse expérience de patience. Aucune ironie ici : ensemble, le metteur en page et moi, avons produit 10 versions du Petit livre jaune avant de crier : « Victoire ! » Je suis reconnaissante à Chris G. d’être resté impassible tout au long de l’aventure. Il a dû m’inspirer puisque je n’ai jamais connu avec lui de moment d’exaspération et que, au contraire, ses fantaisies involontaires m’ont fait sourire. Je m’en voudrais de ne pas mentionner le soutien indéfectible de l’auteur, Roger C. Je souhaite que mes multiples demandes et exigences ne le découragent pas d’ouvrir d’autres chantiers de traduction.

Enfin, j’ai largement profité du travail exécuté dans le cadre de l’adaptation du Petit livre jaune. J’ai été plongée au coeur des préceptes et des valeurs qui font les groupes AA athées ou agnostiques. J’ai la conviction d’être à ma place. Que ce soit le cas de tous ceux et celles qui croient trouver en eux-mêmes et en elles-mêmes et au sein d’un groupe d’alcooliques la solution à leur problème d’alcool. Je leur dédie la traduction du Petit livre jaune.

Le petit livre jaune

«–Un merveilleux témoignage de la marche continue de l’histoire des AA.–» ERNEST KURTZ, Auteur de Not-God: A History of Alcoholics Anonymous.

CONTENU :

  • Vingt versions des douze étapes.

  • Les interprétations de chacune des étapes par quatre experts renommés : Stephanie Covington, Thérèse Jacobs-Stewart, Allen Berger et Gabor Maté. Des gabarits pour écrire une version personnelle et des interprétions de chacune des étapes.

  • Un essai qui trace l’histoire des douze étapes et qui pose un regard critique sur cette histoire.

Le petit livre jaune est une célébration des nombreuses façons dont les gens adaptent et interprètent les douze étapes afin de parvenir à un «–changement de personnalité qui suffit à entraîner le rétablissement de l’alcoolique–».

Le petit livre jaune, écrit par Roger C et traduit par Louise B, est disponible sur Amazon. Voici quelque liens:

Amazon USA;
Amazon Canada et
Amazon France.

 

The post Présentation du Petit livre jaune first appeared on AA Agnostica.

Addictive Thinking – Thinking Like a Schizophrenic

by Glenn Rader

When I was about eight years old, my mother was overcome by delusional, paranoid schizophrenia. She was a bright woman, always sharply dressed, articulate, loving, and caring. The schizophrenia completely consumed her, and she became an obsessive, brooding, and fearful person. Her change was not simply like someone who is having a really bad day and being disagreeable and moody. She was completely transformed into a different person. It was as if someone else had been transplanted into her body. Her voice, mannerisms, and her view of reality were completely altered.

My mother believed that she was a part of a dark conspiracy. Her role in the “plot” was to protect secret, important information that a group of unsavory characters wanted. Her charter from her “leaders” was to stay hidden and protect that information. Periodically, she would direct me and my sisters to hide in closets or in the basement to avoid the “radar” beams that they were using to scan our house in an attempt to locate her. She was delusional, it was her reality, and there was nothing you could say to her to convince her otherwise. On a positive note, she found a path out of her mental illness and lived a great life, free from schizophrenia, until she passed away at 98 years old. My sisters and I had a wonderful relationship with her.

My drinking and drugging started when I was in undergraduate college and was nurtured during graduate school. I first started thinking that I might have an alcohol “issue” when, after expressing some remorse over my vodka bottle on the shelf being nearly empty, my roommate suggested that my concern over my vodka supply seemed “odd”. He went on to say that I might be developing a problem with drinking. Of course, that was a preposterous assertion. Over decades my “issue” with alcohol progressed into a full physical and psychological dependency. Along with the dependency came the “stinking thinking”. I can recall my wife telling me that I seemed like a different person; that my personality had changed, and that most of the time I was not making sense – not being realistic. I was delusional, it was my reality, and there was nothing you could say to convince me otherwise.

My “stinking thinking”, my “alco-logic” as we like to refer to it in my local AA recovery community, led me to the conclusion that I might have inherited my mother’s mental illness. Perhaps, my personality and behavior change, and excessive “self-medicating” with alcohol and drugs to cope, were a result of developing schizophrenia. I went to a psychiatrist and had the full battery of psychological tests performed. Alco-Logic: If I could address the mental illness, then I could drink (and drug) like “normal” people – not needing the “extra” for self-medication. Fortunately, I got a clean bill-of-mental-health from the psychiatrist. Shortly thereafter I got active in AA and have developed a solid recovery regimen.

Then, to my amazement, a few years into recovery I discovered a short, insightful book that is now on my list of “must-read” books for people in recovery. It is called Addictive Thinking – Understanding Self-Deception, by Abraham, J. Twerski, MD. It is a book that explains the similarities between the thinking that accompanies addiction and schizophrenia.

Dr. Twerski is the founder and medical director emeritus of the Gateway Rehabilitation Center in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. A rabbi, psychiatrist, and chemical dependency counselor, he is the author of numerous journal articles and books.

Based on his extensive, hands-on experience in the addiction recovery field, and his training in psychiatry, Dr. Twerski observed that people suffering from addiction reach a stage where they think and behave like schizophrenics. What does he mean by “thinking like a schizophrenic”? He means that you can reach a stage in your addiction where you believe and behave like you are living in an alternative reality. Looking back, I may not have inherited my mother’s mental illness, but I was certainly thinking and behaving like I was living in a different reality.

What Dr. Twerski would advance is that both the alcoholic and the schizophrenic are living in extreme self-deception. It is self-deception that is grounded in self-esteem issues. Reading Addictive Thinking was like reading a summary of myself when I was at the height of my addiction. These are some of the “stinking thinking” issues that are part of the self-deception that Dr. Twerski describes:

  • Confusion regarding cause and effect,
  • Denial, rationalization, and projection,
  • Problems dealing with conflict,
  • Hypersensitivity,
  • Having morbid expectations,
  • Manipulating others,
  • Guilt and shame,
  • Omnipotence and impotence,
  • An inability to admit errors, and
  • Anger management.

Through Dr. Twerski’s work, I have an improved understanding of my addiction, delusional thinking, and why I must rely on resources outside of myself for guidance regarding my recovery. He is someone who has been in the “trenches” of addiction and psychiatry and knows his way around.

Addictive Thinking – Understanding Self-Deception.

Dr. Twerski outlines the destructive and terrifying illogic that marries a person with a substance use disorder to their addiction. “Stinking thinking” and irrational thought are byproducts of addiction and they only worsen with time.

Twerski, with a deep psychological understanding, steps in to explain and contextualize all of the actions that arise from addictive thinking.

Glenn Rader is an author and public speaker in the recovery community. He is the author of: STOP – Things You MUST Know Before Trying to Help Someone with Addiction.

STOP is a short, innovative book that is essential reading for someone trying to help a person with alcohol or drug addiction. The book contains information and action items that some people take years of trial and error to learn; often at a significant emotional and financial sacrifice.

The book will change your view of what “helping” someone struggling with addiction really means.

 

The post Addictive Thinking – Thinking Like a Schizophrenic first appeared on AA Agnostica.

Addictive Thinking – Thinking Like a Schizophrenic

by Glenn Rader

When I was about eight years old, my mother was overcome by delusional, paranoid schizophrenia. She was a bright woman, always sharply dressed, articulate, loving, and caring. The schizophrenia completely consumed her, and she became an obsessive, brooding, and fearful person. Her change was not simply like someone who is having a really bad day and being disagreeable and moody. She was completely transformed into a different person. It was as if someone else had been transplanted into her body. Her voice, mannerisms, and her view of reality were completely altered.

My mother believed that she was a part of a dark conspiracy. Her role in the “plot” was to protect secret, important information that a group of unsavory characters wanted. Her charter from her “leaders” was to stay hidden and protect that information. Periodically, she would direct me and my sisters to hide in closets or in the basement to avoid the “radar” beams that they were using to scan our house in an attempt to locate her. She was delusional, it was her reality, and there was nothing you could say to her to convince her otherwise. On a positive note, she found a path out of her mental illness and lived a great life, free from schizophrenia, until she passed away at 98 years old. My sisters and I had a wonderful relationship with her.

My drinking and drugging started when I was in undergraduate college and was nurtured during graduate school. I first started thinking that I might have an alcohol “issue” when, after expressing some remorse over my vodka bottle on the shelf being nearly empty, my roommate suggested that my concern over my vodka supply seemed “odd”. He went on to say that I might be developing a problem with drinking. Of course, that was a preposterous assertion. Over decades my “issue” with alcohol progressed into a full physical and psychological dependency. Along with the dependency came the “stinking thinking”. I can recall my wife telling me that I seemed like a different person; that my personality had changed, and that most of the time I was not making sense – not being realistic. I was delusional, it was my reality, and there was nothing you could say to convince me otherwise.

My “stinking thinking”, my “alco-logic” as we like to refer to it in my local AA recovery community, led me to the conclusion that I might have inherited my mother’s mental illness. Perhaps, my personality and behavior change, and excessive “self-medicating” with alcohol and drugs to cope, were a result of developing schizophrenia. I went to a psychiatrist and had the full battery of psychological tests performed. Alco-Logic: If I could address the mental illness, then I could drink (and drug) like “normal” people – not needing the “extra” for self-medication. Fortunately, I got a clean bill-of-mental-health from the psychiatrist. Shortly thereafter I got active in AA and have developed a solid recovery regimen.

Then, to my amazement, a few years into recovery I discovered a short, insightful book that is now on my list of “must-read” books for people in recovery. It is called Addictive Thinking – Understanding Self-Deception, by Abraham, J. Twerski, MD. It is a book that explains the similarities between the thinking that accompanies addiction and schizophrenia.

Dr. Twerski is the founder and medical director emeritus of the Gateway Rehabilitation Center in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. A rabbi, psychiatrist, and chemical dependency counselor, he is the author of numerous journal articles and books.

Based on his extensive, hands-on experience in the addiction recovery field, and his training in psychiatry, Dr. Twerski observed that people suffering from addiction reach a stage where they think and behave like schizophrenics. What does he mean by “thinking like a schizophrenic”? He means that you can reach a stage in your addiction where you believe and behave like you are living in an alternative reality. Looking back, I may not have inherited my mother’s mental illness, but I was certainly thinking and behaving like I was living in a different reality.

What Dr. Twerski would advance is that both the alcoholic and the schizophrenic are living in extreme self-deception. It is self-deception that is grounded in self-esteem issues. Reading Addictive Thinking was like reading a summary of myself when I was at the height of my addiction. These are some of the “stinking thinking” issues that are part of the self-deception that Dr. Twerski describes:

  • Confusion regarding cause and effect,
  • Denial, rationalization, and projection,
  • Problems dealing with conflict,
  • Hypersensitivity,
  • Having morbid expectations,
  • Manipulating others,
  • Guilt and shame,
  • Omnipotence and impotence,
  • An inability to admit errors, and
  • Anger management.

Through Dr. Twerski’s work, I have an improved understanding of my addiction, delusional thinking, and why I must rely on resources outside of myself for guidance regarding my recovery. He is someone who has been in the “trenches” of addiction and psychiatry and knows his way around.

Addictive Thinking – Understanding Self-Deception.

Dr. Twerski outlines the destructive and terrifying illogic that marries a person with a substance use disorder to their addiction. “Stinking thinking” and irrational thought are byproducts of addiction and they only worsen with time.

Twerski, with a deep psychological understanding, steps in to explain and contextualize all of the actions that arise from addictive thinking.

Glenn Rader is an author and public speaker in the recovery community. He is the author of: STOP – Things You MUST Know Before Trying to Help Someone with Addiction.

STOP is a short, innovative book that is essential reading for someone trying to help a person with alcohol or drug addiction. The book contains information and action items that some people take years of trial and error to learn; often at a significant emotional and financial sacrifice.

The book will change your view of what “helping” someone struggling with addiction really means.

 

The post Addictive Thinking – Thinking Like a Schizophrenic first appeared on AA Agnostica.

A Friend of Jim B.

Chapter 9:
Do Tell! Stories by Atheists and Agnostics in AA

Alex M.

When I was a small boy the neighborhood kids would gather on weekends to play kickball. We would all line up eagerly waiting to hear our name called for each team. I would look down at the ground and shuffle my feet knowing once again my name would the last one spoken. That was the start of a lifetime of not fitting in.

Raised as an only child in Kentucky during the 1950s, my father worked as a chemical engineer while my mother spoiled me at home. Food, clothing and shelter were easily provided. Our neighborhood was safe enough to leave our doors unlocked. Stay at home moms watched over each other’s kids so we never got into too much trouble. On Halloween we roamed far and wide, filling our sacks till they overflowed. At Christmas entire families went caroling house to house.

The only advice I remember getting from my father was to work hard, never ask for anything from anybody, get the best education I could and find a good job. My mother taught me that it didn’t matter who I thought I was or what I felt; all that mattered was how I appeared to the world. Keep your mouth shut, control your emotions, trust no one, and hold your secrets close. Lying to myself and pretending with others became routine.

When my father drank he turned into an angry, combative alcoholic who terrified me and abused my mother. As his life became more unmanageable our lives became more unmanageable.

I lived in fear of my father’s rages and not knowing when my mother would grab me up to flee the house during yet another domestic quarrel. All I wanted was to escape the chaos. At an early age I discovered books. I would hide in my room and read. Reading took me to a safe place, but it was empty and lonely.

Down deep I yearned to be part of something more. A lot more. Like Bill W., I wanted to prove to the world I was important. I wanted to fit in with others, be accepted and be the big-shot. I wanted the world to do my bidding and when it didn’t I got angry. The first resentment I remember was when the bully next door hit me with a sucker punch when I was five. l got even and remember his name to this day.

A doctoral dissertation – “Experiences of Atheists and Agnostics in AA” – is based on the book Do Tell. For more information click on the above image.

Going through school I tried to fit in with various groups. There were the usual Nerds, Jocks, Scholars and Romeos. None welcomed me. After a while I found a few outcasts who spent their time drinking. An unpopular group, they stayed in the shadows. Since I had recently discovered bourbon would help me sleep at night and ease my worries during the day, I joined the group. In no time those misfits became my friends and I worked to become the best drinker around. At last I fit in.

In high school I developed an interest in Medicine and I decided I was going to become a doctor. I knew it would take many years of schooling and hard work but I felt it was a worthy goal and might even relieve some of the turmoil in my life.

Somehow I was able to balance drinking and schooling long enough to enter a fine college in Philadelphia where I was on my own for the first time. Recurrent blackouts that started during freshman year terrified me, but instead of addressing the cause I denied there was a problem.

As my college drinking progressed my grades worsened but my desire to become a physician overcame my desire to drink. As a hard drinker, I was able to cut down on the alcohol and graduated with honors.

During medical school and later training I continued to drink when off duty but was too busy to drink while working. Once in medical practice, like Dr. Bob, I felt an obligation never to drink while working with patients but drank to oblivion when not at work.

During my early professional years I got married and later divorced. When I asked my wife why she wanted a divorce she said it was because I was never there for her. She was right. All I did was work and get drunk. It was all about me.

Several years after my divorce I met and married an exceptional lady from my hometown. Shortly after our honeymoon she was diagnosed with cancer and died within a few months.

The night she died I went outdoors and noticed that three white jet contrails had formed a perfect triangle in the sky. For some reason that image reminded me of the Holy Trinity. Believing God was mocking the death of my wife, I ran around screaming and cursing at the sky. I never set foot in a church again.

From that point on I used my wife’s death as justification to become even more selfish and self-centered. I drank with impunity. I just didn’t care anymore. I left practice and took a medical administrative position. Somehow I managed to remain employed but my drinking progressed over the next ten years. I drifted from desk job to desk job where it was easier for me to drink without consequence. By the time I reached my early fifties I owned my own medical consulting business which allowed me to drink however I wanted.

Through those years I had acquired a third wife who no longer wanted to be around me and a family that I had pushed aside. Eventually I stopped working completely because work continued to interfere with my drinking. The more I drank the worse I felt. I saw no way out of my inability to live sober or my disgust at living drunk. Suicide beckoned, and I would line up shotgun shells on the table by my bed praying to have the courage to load the gun and use it. By then my life consisted of sitting on a couch yelling at nameless newscasters on TV while drinking from blackout to blackout.

One day a friend offered to take me to an AA meeting and I agreed, probably because I was still drunk. All I remember from that meeting was that folks told me to ask God for help not drinking one day at a time and to keep coming back.

Working with my sponsor, I had no problem accepting that I was an alcoholic, but I had a big problem with the default AA solution: God. Despite being raised in the church, I never felt a personal connection to any God or religion that crossed my path. No Higher Power ever manipulated my life. There was no heaven or hell. Death was final. Events were governed by the laws of nature and coincidences were not arranged by God. Even when in the depths of my pain I had never cried out “God help me”. I had no idea if there was or was not a God, and really didn’t care. I was an agnostic for sure and probably an atheist at heart.

I had repeatedly demonstrated that my own will-power and self-reliance could not get me sober, and I needed to find something to get and stay sober. Lack of power over alcohol, that was my dilemma.

BurwellThen I discovered what became for me the five most important words in AA as we know it today – “God as we understood him”. The words “as we understood him” were added to the Steps as a result of the work of Jim B., one of the very first atheists in AA. And those few words saved my life because they allowed me to turn to a spiritual power of my own understanding for help. I no longer had to rely on a religious power of someone else’s understanding.

In “Working With Others” Bill says, “If the man be agnostic or atheist, make it emphatic that he does not have to agree with your conception of God. He can choose any conception he likes, provided it makes sense to him. The main thing is that he be willing to believe in a power greater than himself and that he live by spiritual principles”. (BB, p. 93)

My responsibility today is to carry the message of hope and recovery to another alcoholic who still suffers. To be effective I must put aside my personal frustration that the Big Book not to subtly preaches that the highest Higher Power available to alcoholics is the traditional Christian God. This is not really surprising, given the influence of the Protestant Oxford Group in the early growth of AA.

So I got out pen and paper and wrote down what the “God of my understanding” looked like. In no way did it resemble the God of my upbringing, but it was a power that I could turn to for strength, direction, and guidance as I went through each day trying to do the next right thing.

But what could I to replace God with? Would it be Willingness, or Honesty, or Open-Mindedness, or Group of Drunks, or Homegroup, or Sponsor, or Allah, or Confucius, or Buddha, or Great Spirit, or the Cosmos, or Nature, or Love, or Compassion, or Tolerance or Service?

I needed some kind of power in my life by which I could not only stay sober but also find a new way of living. I couldn’t rely entirely on the power of my own self-will or self-reliance, since that approach had failed completely. So I had to find some other power of my understanding by which I could live. That power was to be mine, and mine alone. No longer need I feel intimidated by anyone else’s Higher Power that was discussed in the rooms of AA.

The power I draw on today comes from the feeling I get deep within me when I look up at the stars and realize that somehow all of us in this universe are connected. I am not connected by choice or by some imaginary divine hand. I am connected by the collective power of Love, Goodness and Compassion. In AA terms these spiritual principles are “the God of my understanding”.

My power is not a heavenly power; it is a human power. It is not a power created by my self-will; it simply exists because I exist. This is the power I turn to for strength, hope and direction in my life, rather than the power of John Barleycorn.

I feel my power most when I am in the rooms of AA and working one-on-one with other alcoholics. I especially like working with alcoholics struggling with the “God thing”, since I can share my story and be living proof that any of us can get sober, including those who struggle with their own concept of religion, God, Higher Power or spirituality.

Today I am grateful that Bill W. created AA, but I am so much more grateful for his fellow alcoholics Jim B., Hank P. and others who ensured AA could provide for not only for believers, but also for non-believers like myself. Certainly, more needs to be done to further “widen the gateway” of our fellowship, but that’s a story for another day.

Do Tell! [Front Cover]This is a chapter from the book: Do Tell! Stories by Atheists and Agnostics in AA.

The paperback version of Do Tell! is available at Amazon. It is also available via Amazon in Canada and the United Kingdom.

It can be purchased online in all eBook formats, including Kindle, Kobo and Nook and as an iBook for Macs and iPads.

The post A Friend of Jim B. first appeared on AA Agnostica.

A Friend of Jim B.

Chapter 9:
Do Tell! Stories by Atheists and Agnostics in AA

Alex M.

When I was a small boy the neighborhood kids would gather on weekends to play kickball. We would all line up eagerly waiting to hear our name called for each team. I would look down at the ground and shuffle my feet knowing once again my name would the last one spoken. That was the start of a lifetime of not fitting in.

Raised as an only child in Kentucky during the 1950s, my father worked as a chemical engineer while my mother spoiled me at home. Food, clothing and shelter were easily provided. Our neighborhood was safe enough to leave our doors unlocked. Stay at home moms watched over each other’s kids so we never got into too much trouble. On Halloween we roamed far and wide, filling our sacks till they overflowed. At Christmas entire families went caroling house to house.

The only advice I remember getting from my father was to work hard, never ask for anything from anybody, get the best education I could and find a good job. My mother taught me that it didn’t matter who I thought I was or what I felt; all that mattered was how I appeared to the world. Keep your mouth shut, control your emotions, trust no one, and hold your secrets close. Lying to myself and pretending with others became routine.

When my father drank he turned into an angry, combative alcoholic who terrified me and abused my mother. As his life became more unmanageable our lives became more unmanageable.

I lived in fear of my father’s rages and not knowing when my mother would grab me up to flee the house during yet another domestic quarrel. All I wanted was to escape the chaos. At an early age I discovered books. I would hide in my room and read. Reading took me to a safe place, but it was empty and lonely.

Down deep I yearned to be part of something more. A lot more. Like Bill W., I wanted to prove to the world I was important. I wanted to fit in with others, be accepted and be the big-shot. I wanted the world to do my bidding and when it didn’t I got angry. The first resentment I remember was when the bully next door hit me with a sucker punch when I was five. l got even and remember his name to this day.

A doctoral dissertation – “Experiences of Atheists and Agnostics in AA” – is based on the book Do Tell. For more information click on the above image.

Going through school I tried to fit in with various groups. There were the usual Nerds, Jocks, Scholars and Romeos. None welcomed me. After a while I found a few outcasts who spent their time drinking. An unpopular group, they stayed in the shadows. Since I had recently discovered bourbon would help me sleep at night and ease my worries during the day, I joined the group. In no time those misfits became my friends and I worked to become the best drinker around. At last I fit in.

In high school I developed an interest in Medicine and I decided I was going to become a doctor. I knew it would take many years of schooling and hard work but I felt it was a worthy goal and might even relieve some of the turmoil in my life.

Somehow I was able to balance drinking and schooling long enough to enter a fine college in Philadelphia where I was on my own for the first time. Recurrent blackouts that started during freshman year terrified me, but instead of addressing the cause I denied there was a problem.

As my college drinking progressed my grades worsened but my desire to become a physician overcame my desire to drink. As a hard drinker, I was able to cut down on the alcohol and graduated with honors.

During medical school and later training I continued to drink when off duty but was too busy to drink while working. Once in medical practice, like Dr. Bob, I felt an obligation never to drink while working with patients but drank to oblivion when not at work.

During my early professional years I got married and later divorced. When I asked my wife why she wanted a divorce she said it was because I was never there for her. She was right. All I did was work and get drunk. It was all about me.

Several years after my divorce I met and married an exceptional lady from my hometown. Shortly after our honeymoon she was diagnosed with cancer and died within a few months.

The night she died I went outdoors and noticed that three white jet contrails had formed a perfect triangle in the sky. For some reason that image reminded me of the Holy Trinity. Believing God was mocking the death of my wife, I ran around screaming and cursing at the sky. I never set foot in a church again.

From that point on I used my wife’s death as justification to become even more selfish and self-centered. I drank with impunity. I just didn’t care anymore. I left practice and took a medical administrative position. Somehow I managed to remain employed but my drinking progressed over the next ten years. I drifted from desk job to desk job where it was easier for me to drink without consequence. By the time I reached my early fifties I owned my own medical consulting business which allowed me to drink however I wanted.

Through those years I had acquired a third wife who no longer wanted to be around me and a family that I had pushed aside. Eventually I stopped working completely because work continued to interfere with my drinking. The more I drank the worse I felt. I saw no way out of my inability to live sober or my disgust at living drunk. Suicide beckoned, and I would line up shotgun shells on the table by my bed praying to have the courage to load the gun and use it. By then my life consisted of sitting on a couch yelling at nameless newscasters on TV while drinking from blackout to blackout.

One day a friend offered to take me to an AA meeting and I agreed, probably because I was still drunk. All I remember from that meeting was that folks told me to ask God for help not drinking one day at a time and to keep coming back.

Working with my sponsor, I had no problem accepting that I was an alcoholic, but I had a big problem with the default AA solution: God. Despite being raised in the church, I never felt a personal connection to any God or religion that crossed my path. No Higher Power ever manipulated my life. There was no heaven or hell. Death was final. Events were governed by the laws of nature and coincidences were not arranged by God. Even when in the depths of my pain I had never cried out “God help me”. I had no idea if there was or was not a God, and really didn’t care. I was an agnostic for sure and probably an atheist at heart.

I had repeatedly demonstrated that my own will-power and self-reliance could not get me sober, and I needed to find something to get and stay sober. Lack of power over alcohol, that was my dilemma.

BurwellThen I discovered what became for me the five most important words in AA as we know it today – “God as we understood him”. The words “as we understood him” were added to the Steps as a result of the work of Jim B., one of the very first atheists in AA. And those few words saved my life because they allowed me to turn to a spiritual power of my own understanding for help. I no longer had to rely on a religious power of someone else’s understanding.

In “Working With Others” Bill says, “If the man be agnostic or atheist, make it emphatic that he does not have to agree with your conception of God. He can choose any conception he likes, provided it makes sense to him. The main thing is that he be willing to believe in a power greater than himself and that he live by spiritual principles”. (BB, p. 93)

My responsibility today is to carry the message of hope and recovery to another alcoholic who still suffers. To be effective I must put aside my personal frustration that the Big Book not to subtly preaches that the highest Higher Power available to alcoholics is the traditional Christian God. This is not really surprising, given the influence of the Protestant Oxford Group in the early growth of AA.

So I got out pen and paper and wrote down what the “God of my understanding” looked like. In no way did it resemble the God of my upbringing, but it was a power that I could turn to for strength, direction, and guidance as I went through each day trying to do the next right thing.

But what could I to replace God with? Would it be Willingness, or Honesty, or Open-Mindedness, or Group of Drunks, or Homegroup, or Sponsor, or Allah, or Confucius, or Buddha, or Great Spirit, or the Cosmos, or Nature, or Love, or Compassion, or Tolerance or Service?

I needed some kind of power in my life by which I could not only stay sober but also find a new way of living. I couldn’t rely entirely on the power of my own self-will or self-reliance, since that approach had failed completely. So I had to find some other power of my understanding by which I could live. That power was to be mine, and mine alone. No longer need I feel intimidated by anyone else’s Higher Power that was discussed in the rooms of AA.

The power I draw on today comes from the feeling I get deep within me when I look up at the stars and realize that somehow all of us in this universe are connected. I am not connected by choice or by some imaginary divine hand. I am connected by the collective power of Love, Goodness and Compassion. In AA terms these spiritual principles are “the God of my understanding”.

My power is not a heavenly power; it is a human power. It is not a power created by my self-will; it simply exists because I exist. This is the power I turn to for strength, hope and direction in my life, rather than the power of John Barleycorn.

I feel my power most when I am in the rooms of AA and working one-on-one with other alcoholics. I especially like working with alcoholics struggling with the “God thing”, since I can share my story and be living proof that any of us can get sober, including those who struggle with their own concept of religion, God, Higher Power or spirituality.

Today I am grateful that Bill W. created AA, but I am so much more grateful for his fellow alcoholics Jim B., Hank P. and others who ensured AA could provide for not only for believers, but also for non-believers like myself. Certainly, more needs to be done to further “widen the gateway” of our fellowship, but that’s a story for another day.

Do Tell! [Front Cover]This is a chapter from the book: Do Tell! Stories by Atheists and Agnostics in AA.

The paperback version of Do Tell! is available at Amazon. It is also available via Amazon in Canada and the United Kingdom.

It can be purchased online in all eBook formats, including Kindle, Kobo and Nook and as an iBook for Macs and iPads.

The post A Friend of Jim B. first appeared on AA Agnostica.

Defining Recovery in AA in the 21st Century

By Dave W.

My goodness we are an efficient bunch in AA. Got it all nailed down. Nothing new under the sun. Our omnipotent Big Book laid it all out for us in 1939. What a blessing. We do not have to over complicate our recovery and our lives with the foolish notion that new knowledge about alcoholism and addiction may have occurred over the past eighty plus years.

I am shaking my head at the absurdity of the above paragraph largely because there seems to be a sizable number of our fellowship that actually subscribes to that belief. For myself, I gave up the idea early in my struggles that I could fit the causes and effects of my alcoholism into the neat little package that is the suggested AA program of recovery.

I am not suggesting that working through the twelve steps is a fruitless endeavour. A huge part of recovery is admitting powerlessness over an addictive toxic poison that damages and destroys our bodies, brains, and spirits. In the early stages of abstinence, most of us are left with having to undo the harm to our lives and relationships that our drinking caused. The steps provide a roadmap for cleaning up our messes and safeguarding against falling back into old destructive patterns.

The foundational base of the AA triangle is labeled “recovery”. As a starting point, that makes complete sense to me. Without recovery from alcohol addiction, we are of little use to others in the fellowship and in our personal lives. What I would challenge however is the AA twelve step model as being a one size fits everyone stand-alone method of recovery.

AA identifies the twelve steps as its core program. The Big Book states people who fail do so because they either cannot or will not give themselves over to this “simple program”. The “A Newcomer Asks” pamphlet recommends to those new to begin the steps and study the Big Book. At many meetings, newcomers are encouraged and even pressured to find a sponsor and begin step work ASAP.

Sponsorship seems to go hand in hand with step work. I have cringed sitting in meetings watching would be sponsors stand up at meetings to offer their guidance and wisdom to a person they have never met before and know nothing about. The visual has a very intimidating look to it. Not to mention the fact that the true motivation of the prospective sponsor may have more to do with the sponsors needs than that of the person they are offering to help.

Strangers sponsoring strangers to any meaningful level of depth makes about as much sense to me as having a medical problem and approaching someone on the street for help hoping they have suffered from the same malady at some point in their life. We would not be asked to give other areas of our health or welfare over to a total stranger who although may understand their own reasons for drinking, may be completely lost in understanding our own unique core problems. It is perilous to give that power to an individual simply because they have accumulated X number of sober days.

The power exchange that can occur in sponsorship has always made me uncomfortable. Like the steps, it is promoted as a must in some meetings. There are individuals in AA who have no business taking on the role of sponsor. Many lack the basic skills and mental health required to assist another in what can be a harrowing and painful journey of self discovery. I have heard stories of sponsors “firing” the people they sponsor over ludicrous reasons such as unwillingness to pray a certain way, a disbelief in god, an unwillingness to call in every day, or a rejected demand that the newly sober person also become a sponsor. At its worst, sponsorship has the potential danger of being a violation of a person’s boundaries, safety and freedom of choice. Although I have heard of many positive outcomes of sponsorship, I am convinced in some cases the relationship represents an opportunity to have power and control over another person.

To reiterate, I am not opposed to either step work or sponsorship and I am not advocating we put an end to either. I do however challenge the narrowness of relying on these tools as our primary means of recovery. They seem to occupy the lions share of attention in AA. Traditional meetings revolve around the steps and you really feel out of place in many meetings if you are choosing a different path for your recovery. At times I have felt like I am doing something wrong if I do not have a sponsor or have not worked the steps.

In traditional meetings members learn to talk in AA speak, a jargon unique to the fellowship. I find people will often parrot what they have heard from other members and what they have read in the literature. AA is overflowing with cliches and slogans. People’s shares frequently sound robotic and have a people pleasing quality to them. What gets lost in the mix is individual spontaneity and a feeling that is it not advisable to go off script if your own experiences are too contrary to the prescribed program.

Another scared cow in AA is a requirement to identify and have a higher power. It appears to be such an essential component of recovery that even a doorknob can suffice. The original intent seems to have been to allow non-believers some latitude in selecting a non deity as a higher power under the assumption they will eventually come to know and love god. I have sat in secular meetings and heard sober alcoholics reject the need to embrace both god and a higher power. I have personally never seen the need to cling to this construct, I do not understand the benefit of going through the deliberate exercise of identifying one. Like much in recovery, if it develops organically, it can be useful, but we do not have to hit people over the head with the idea of identifying their own personal saviour.

My personal time in secular AA is night and day to what I experience in traditional meetings. In secular meetings we are breaking down the barriers of what is appropriate discussion. Many people struggle with cross addictions. I find it impossible to separate my alcoholism from other addictive impulses. I am convinced the same neuro pathways in my brain that led to my drinking I have used in other destructive behaviours. I find it very therapeutic and healing to share my daily battles with non-alcoholic addictions and obsessions. Speaking of them in meetings helps keep me sober.  I have never had to struggle with the horrors of heroin or cocaine addiction on top of alcoholism. Yet I am not about to tell someone “this is AA, we don’t talk about that here.”

In the secular rooms we are not afraid to go off convention and introduce non-conference approved readings in our meetings. There is an amazing amount of wisdom in our gatherings. Stale repetitive readings are hardly an efficient means to tap into this knowledge. When people feel safe to express themselves without fear of ridicule or harassment they give freely of their personal experiences. No one is going to be damaged or their sobriety lost if they hear ideas that are not GSO approved.

Despite how far we may stray from the traditional meeting format that seems to dominate AA, we never forget why it is we are meeting. We are collectively struggling with a life-threatening adversary. That reality always seems to bring us back to our main purpose.

More and more I conclude that the definition of recovery is unique to the individual. I believe recovery to be an individualized path of self discovery. Mine is a life-long journey and it has become as much of my uniqueness as any other area of my life. I could not follow someone else’s path any more than they could follow mine. I have my own unique set of challenges and life experiences. We can draw wisdom and insights into our own journeys from others experiences but we will never duplicate their lives. I find people in AA to be incredibly creative in overcoming seemingly insurmountable challenges and I have learned so much from them. The goal for me is to fit their wisdom and discoveries into my own life.

David is a sixty two year-old agnostic alcoholic whose drinking career began late in life after growing up with an alcoholic father. After twelve years of daily drinking, he came to believe that a substance greater than himself trapped him in the same addictive cycle that had trapped various members of his family on both sides. Desperate for outside help, he found secular AA on-line in 2018 and was able to avoid the conflict with religion and a mandatory belief in god that traditional AA insists on imposing on members. His home group is Beyond Belief Toronto and this month – December 2020 – he is two years sober.

 

The post Defining Recovery in AA in the 21st Century first appeared on AA Agnostica.

Defining Recovery in AA in the 21st Century

By Dave W.

My goodness we are an efficient bunch in AA. Got it all nailed down. Nothing new under the sun. Our omnipotent Big Book laid it all out for us in 1939. What a blessing. We do not have to over complicate our recovery and our lives with the foolish notion that new knowledge about alcoholism and addiction may have occurred over the past eighty plus years.

I am shaking my head at the absurdity of the above paragraph largely because there seems to be a sizable number of our fellowship that actually subscribes to that belief. For myself, I gave up the idea early in my struggles that I could fit the causes and effects of my alcoholism into the neat little package that is the suggested AA program of recovery.

I am not suggesting that working through the twelve steps is a fruitless endeavour. A huge part of recovery is admitting powerlessness over an addictive toxic poison that damages and destroys our bodies, brains, and spirits. In the early stages of abstinence, most of us are left with having to undo the harm to our lives and relationships that our drinking caused. The steps provide a roadmap for cleaning up our messes and safeguarding against falling back into old destructive patterns.

The foundational base of the AA triangle is labeled “recovery”. As a starting point, that makes complete sense to me. Without recovery from alcohol addiction, we are of little use to others in the fellowship and in our personal lives. What I would challenge however is the AA twelve step model as being a one size fits everyone stand-alone method of recovery.

AA identifies the twelve steps as its core program. The Big Book states people who fail do so because they either cannot or will not give themselves over to this “simple program”. The “A Newcomer Asks” pamphlet recommends to those new to begin the steps and study the Big Book. At many meetings, newcomers are encouraged and even pressured to find a sponsor and begin step work ASAP.

Sponsorship seems to go hand in hand with step work. I have cringed sitting in meetings watching would be sponsors stand up at meetings to offer their guidance and wisdom to a person they have never met before and know nothing about. The visual has a very intimidating look to it. Not to mention the fact that the true motivation of the prospective sponsor may have more to do with the sponsors needs than that of the person they are offering to help.

Strangers sponsoring strangers to any meaningful level of depth makes about as much sense to me as having a medical problem and approaching someone on the street for help hoping they have suffered from the same malady at some point in their life. We would not be asked to give other areas of our health or welfare over to a total stranger who although may understand their own reasons for drinking, may be completely lost in understanding our own unique core problems. It is perilous to give that power to an individual simply because they have accumulated X number of sober days.

The power exchange that can occur in sponsorship has always made me uncomfortable. Like the steps, it is promoted as a must in some meetings. There are individuals in AA who have no business taking on the role of sponsor. Many lack the basic skills and mental health required to assist another in what can be a harrowing and painful journey of self discovery. I have heard stories of sponsors “firing” the people they sponsor over ludicrous reasons such as unwillingness to pray a certain way, a disbelief in god, an unwillingness to call in every day, or a rejected demand that the newly sober person also become a sponsor. At its worst, sponsorship has the potential danger of being a violation of a person’s boundaries, safety and freedom of choice. Although I have heard of many positive outcomes of sponsorship, I am convinced in some cases the relationship represents an opportunity to have power and control over another person.

To reiterate, I am not opposed to either step work or sponsorship and I am not advocating we put an end to either. I do however challenge the narrowness of relying on these tools as our primary means of recovery. They seem to occupy the lions share of attention in AA. Traditional meetings revolve around the steps and you really feel out of place in many meetings if you are choosing a different path for your recovery. At times I have felt like I am doing something wrong if I do not have a sponsor or have not worked the steps.

In traditional meetings members learn to talk in AA speak, a jargon unique to the fellowship. I find people will often parrot what they have heard from other members and what they have read in the literature. AA is overflowing with cliches and slogans. People’s shares frequently sound robotic and have a people pleasing quality to them. What gets lost in the mix is individual spontaneity and a feeling that is it not advisable to go off script if your own experiences are too contrary to the prescribed program.

Another scared cow in AA is a requirement to identify and have a higher power. It appears to be such an essential component of recovery that even a doorknob can suffice. The original intent seems to have been to allow non-believers some latitude in selecting a non deity as a higher power under the assumption they will eventually come to know and love god. I have sat in secular meetings and heard sober alcoholics reject the need to embrace both god and a higher power. I have personally never seen the need to cling to this construct, I do not understand the benefit of going through the deliberate exercise of identifying one. Like much in recovery, if it develops organically, it can be useful, but we do not have to hit people over the head with the idea of identifying their own personal saviour.

My personal time in secular AA is night and day to what I experience in traditional meetings. In secular meetings we are breaking down the barriers of what is appropriate discussion. Many people struggle with cross addictions. I find it impossible to separate my alcoholism from other addictive impulses. I am convinced the same neuro pathways in my brain that led to my drinking I have used in other destructive behaviours. I find it very therapeutic and healing to share my daily battles with non-alcoholic addictions and obsessions. Speaking of them in meetings helps keep me sober.  I have never had to struggle with the horrors of heroin or cocaine addiction on top of alcoholism. Yet I am not about to tell someone “this is AA, we don’t talk about that here.”

In the secular rooms we are not afraid to go off convention and introduce non-conference approved readings in our meetings. There is an amazing amount of wisdom in our gatherings. Stale repetitive readings are hardly an efficient means to tap into this knowledge. When people feel safe to express themselves without fear of ridicule or harassment they give freely of their personal experiences. No one is going to be damaged or their sobriety lost if they hear ideas that are not GSO approved.

Despite how far we may stray from the traditional meeting format that seems to dominate AA, we never forget why it is we are meeting. We are collectively struggling with a life-threatening adversary. That reality always seems to bring us back to our main purpose.

More and more I conclude that the definition of recovery is unique to the individual. I believe recovery to be an individualized path of self discovery. Mine is a life-long journey and it has become as much of my uniqueness as any other area of my life. I could not follow someone else’s path any more than they could follow mine. I have my own unique set of challenges and life experiences. We can draw wisdom and insights into our own journeys from others experiences but we will never duplicate their lives. I find people in AA to be incredibly creative in overcoming seemingly insurmountable challenges and I have learned so much from them. The goal for me is to fit their wisdom and discoveries into my own life.

David is a sixty two year-old agnostic alcoholic whose drinking career began late in life after growing up with an alcoholic father. After twelve years of daily drinking, he came to believe that a substance greater than himself trapped him in the same addictive cycle that had trapped various members of his family on both sides. Desperate for outside help, he found secular AA on-line in 2018 and was able to avoid the conflict with religion and a mandatory belief in god that traditional AA insists on imposing on members. His home group is Beyond Belief Toronto and this month – December 2020 – he is two years sober.

 

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