How One Secular AA Group Got Started

By Jason W.

When I attended my first AA meeting in 1987 in an attempt to lessen the consequences of my 2nd DUI I was shocked at all the “god stuff”. It was on the walls, the meeting started with a prayer and ended with a Christian prayer, and most of the people who spoke at the meeting mentioned God.

I walked away shocked that AA was nothing but a religious cult.

After that first meeting, I’d sit in the back of the room and when they stood to join hands and recite the Lord’s Prayer, I would walk out. Before a subsequent meeting, a member asked me why I left during the prayer. I said that I’m not a Christian, so it doesn’t seem right. He said “Put the god stuff on the back burner and keep coming back.” My cynical thought was that he wanted me to keep coming back until I joined the religious cult. Nice try.

After my court date for the DUI, I quit going to meetings, went barhopping sober most nights because that was all I knew, got a 2nd job as a bartender, tried weed (didn’t like it), but my life got better – externally.

It’s still amazes me how much time being an active alcoholic takes. It’s not just the time wasted during a black-out, but the couple of days after a good binge to recover, and all the planning gearing up for the next spree.

Being alcohol-free increased both my time and money. I bought a little starter home, a new used car, and I had more money than I was used to thanks to working two jobs to fill in the many hours I used to drink with.

If someone would have asked me back then how I was doing, I would have said GREAT! Look at all I’ve accumulated – house, car, etc. The reality is that inside I was miserable. I remembered what I called the “glassy-eyed smiley people” at the AA club I used to attend, and some of them seemed genuinely happy and their lives were getting better.

So I took the advice of the member who told me to set aside the god stuff and started attending meetings with a vengeance – 12-14 a week. I was definitely a “meeting maker” but not a step-taker for quite a while.

After doing what those who are successful in AA suggested, I got a sponsor, worked the 12 steps, helped others, etc. I saw the power of not only the fellowship aspects of AA, but the results of the program of recovery.

Being an atheist my whole life, I spent my first 20 years in AA hiding this fact.  Such is the desire to belong to the tribe. But then I started wondering how many people are like me that attend one AA meeting to never return?

At around 25 years sober I decided to do something about it in my area.

I had a friend in AA who was sober for 24 years and an avowed agnostic. I suggested we start a “We Agnostics” secular AA meeting. I rode my motorcycle to the closest secular AA group which was about 50 miles away in Columbus to learn how they did their meeting. I borrowed what they read at the meeting and made some changes to make it more meaningful to the purpose of our group.

The local AA club was the ideal space, and I had to present to the board of directors’ details about this new meeting. I came armed for bear in preparation for those board members who would argue that secular AA isn’t real AA. I had many quotes from Bill W. from his later writings (most from the AAAgnostica.org page). It turned out there was no pushback (at least publicly) and we had to commit to support the meeting for 12 months.

Not knowing if anyone would show up to the meeting I asked my agnostic friend if he would be willing to meet with me every Saturday morning at 10:00am for coffee for the next 12 months, to which he agreed.

To my surprise, there were about 8 people at the first meeting due to several people promoting it at other meetings and some flyers we made up. I also had an article announcing the new meeting and its’ purpose in our local AA newsletter. It seems the editor of the newsletter took my article as motivation to write her own article about AA being self-regulating including the quote: “Different flavors or offshoots of A.A. appear and disappear as their effectiveness is measured by experience of their adherents.”

For about 2 months it was not a great meeting. Most people used it as a forum to disparage religion, God, and those who believe in a god. I told my agnostic friend that if this didn’t change, I was pulling the plug on the meeting.

This was almost 11 years ago. After the early members got the frustration of traditional AA off their chests, the meeting started getting better and more people started showing up. Today we have between 30 and 40 attendees, and we are officially an AA group rather than just a meeting. Many non-believers have made this group their home group. Even one self-avowed Christian has made it his home group because of the depth and quality of the discussions.

The club we meet at takes 60% of the basket income for rent. Last year our group was the 2nd largest rent paying meeting at the club.

I encourage people to start and support secular AA groups and meetings. Being that the founder of AA seemed to put the sobriety of alcoholics above all else, I’m sure he would approve even if some AA members don’t.

I gave a lead about 5 years ago and a young man approached me and asked how I was doing. I didn’t recall how I knew him, so I asked. He said “I met you at the We Agnostics meeting. That was the only meeting I felt comfortable at when I first got sober. But then I found God and now I get to go to all the meetings!”

“I use this example to explain to traditional AA’ers the value of secular AA meetings. It may not happen very often, but the young man who approached me found a welcoming place to learn about AA and meet other sober people without all the “god stuff” which at the time made him think AA was not for him. His path was just different than most secular AA members in that he followed the path outlined in the very condescending “We Agnostics” chapter.”

“Given that I value the principle of open-mindedness, I’m OK with this.”


Jason W. has been sober since May 30, 1988. He credits getting sober at an early age due to experiencing the effects of alcoholism growing up and developing the “phenomenon of craving” from his first drunk. While admitting to another person that he was an alcoholic at 18, in his 18 year-old brain this meant he would probably have to quit drinking in his 50’s. The thought of not drinking was out of the question. Consequences caused an early surrender at 23. Always an atheist, AA didn’t seem like an option due to the “god stuff”, but the people he met in the early meetings he attended seemed happily sober and their lives were improving so he kept coming back and found a path to sobriety. He started the first We Agnostics meeting in Dayton, Oh in 2014, and another secular AA meeting in 2022. Thanks to sobriety and the wisdom he garnered in AA, he has been able to become a successful entrepreneur, a father of two, and a friend to many.


For a PDF of today’s article, click here: How One Secular AA Group Got Started.


The post How One Secular AA Group Got Started first appeared on AA Agnostica.

The Mistakes That Are Killing Alcoholics Anonymous

By bob k.

After a slow start, the Jack Alexander article in the March 1st, 1941 edition of the Saturday Evening Post made AA a national institution. The newish mutual aid society quadrupled in size by the end of that year. A period of impressive growth continued for several decades and the organization spread out to many other countries. AA has year-by-year estimates of its total membership numbers. In 1992, worldwide membership peaked at 2,489,541. Since then, Alcoholics Anonymous has been shrinking based on the group’s own figures which can be viewed at aa.org.

There have been new editions of the 1939 book Alcoholics Anonymous published in 1955, 1976, and 2001. Little has been changed other than the personal stories. Total sales of the Bigga Booka are in the range of forty million. The Forewords to the Second, Third, and Fourth Editions gush proudly about the society’s growth. Obviously, for a group dedicated to helping people, the more that are helped, the better.

Had AA been able to simply sustain its “market share” over the years since 1992 with an increase in the worldwide membership that matched the 30% increase in population, current numbers would be in the neighborhood of 3,500,000. Instead, we see an estimated membership of 1,967,613 in 2021. No figures have been released for 2022, 2023, or 2024. Given an undeniable pandemic effect, those numbers are not going to be good. It may be that the latest figures are being held back.

What are the most egregious of AA’s mistakes?

 

  1. If It ain’t Broke, Don’t Fix It

The “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” attitude rests at the very core of AA’s troubles. The “ain’t broke” part is simply put forward as fact with no thought of examining possible evidence to the contrary. The sad truth is that Alcoholics Anonymous is broken. The “don’t fix it” part expresses the absolute resistance to any sort of significant alteration. In a club where much boasting takes place about members’ former state of selfishness, there’s an easily detectable “It’s working for me so screw you” sentiment coming from the “ain’t broke” crowd. “If X, Y, or Z drives them away, alcohol will bring them back.” What percentage actually comes back? Further, should we not be bending over backwards to not drive prospects away?

The explosive growth of secular AA in recent years demonstrates the benefit of not alienating large chunks of the target market with increasingly unpalatable chit. Rock on, Zoom Babies!

There’s a new edition of the Bigga Booka coming later this year, or in 2026. Given the twenty-five year life span of the last two editions, the Fifth will carry us to mid-century. Nothing will be changed other than several of the stories. Some much needed revenue will be generated but a great opportunity will be lost. The prospect in 2026, 2036 and 2046 will be expected to slog his way through a book crafted in the generation of his great-great-grandparents. What the heck is a “whoopie party?” What does it mean to be “as boiled as an owl?’

Those are minor problems in comparison to the condescending treatment of women in “TO WIVES” and of secularists in “WE AGNOSTICS.” “TO EMPLOYERS” and “THE FAMILY AFTERWARD” are increasingly out-of-date. It’s a Gawdly book being offered to an increasingly un-Gawdly audience.

A rewrite is probably impractical. We need a new book ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS IN THE TWENTY-FIRST CENTURY. Given AA’s speed of getting things done, we could easily have that ready by the twenty-second century.

 

  1. One Size Fits All

The program as presented in the book Alcoholics Anonymous is purported to be the exact path for all alcoholics. Whether sixty or sixteen, male or female, straight or gay, power driver or shrinking violet, one and all are urged to follow the Bigga Booka’s precise directions. What’s offered is a single path to wellness. One size fits all.

If you think you are an atheist, an agnostic, a skeptic, or have any other form of intellectual pride which keeps you from accepting what is in this book, I feel sorry for you. Why, thank you so much Doctor Bob, AA co-founder, returnee to the flock, and devoted follower of JC. Perhaps some newcomer pissed on his corn flakes that day—he’s sounding a bit “dry drunk-ish.”

The world of the self-publishing era tells a story different from the “one size fits all” message. In We’re Not All Egomaniacs, Beth Aich asks if someone with a shame-based personality has the same need for ego deflation as an overly ambitious attention seeker such as Bill Wilson. That seems unlikely. The Bigga Booka was written by men for men – the working title was One Hundred Men.

Authors before Beth have suggested that women need to significantly modify the 12-step process. Others reject the formula in its entirety. For a variety of reasons, Quit Like A Woman by Holly Whitaker is an interesting read.

Secular translations of AA’s formula are plentiful. Never before has there been so much assistance in taking what one wants and leaving the rest. Although freethinking authors like Jeffrey Munn and Glenn Rader generally adhere to the number twelve for steps, the entire God business is jettisoned. Are people staying sober in the Higher Power-less world? Damn right they are.

AA has some good ideas hidden beneath the religious language. “Powerlessness” may not be the perfect word but many serious drinkers go to early graves because they refuse to accept the “total abstinence” solution. Quitting without help remains a solution with a low success rate. Having a support group is hugely beneficial. Self-examination seems a wise recommendation when coming from Socrates. An honest confession of foibles is at the heart of talk therapy and AA’s fifth step. Letting go is critical to anyone seeking peace of mind. What are making amends other than the exercise of the principle of justice? Helping others brings one into the community of mankind and supplies some much-needed self-esteem. Is connection the antidote to addiction? It certainly seems to play a critical role.

In the diligently researched Writing The Big Book : The Creation of AA, William Schaberg gets feisty in Chapter One by referring to Bill Wilson as a “mythmaker.” Possibly the most significant AA history book of all time was authored by an agnostic Buddhist. Isn’t that delicious!! The other contender for premier AA history publication is Not-God : A History of Alcoholics Anonymous. The book’s author, Ernest Kurtz (Harvard PhD in History) was a great supporter of the secular recovery movement and the AA Agnostica website.

 

  1. The Lawd’s Pray-uh

New thought author (The Sermon on the Mount) and early AA influencer Emmett Fox called The Lord’s Prayer: the most important of all the Christian documents. It was carefully constructed by Jesus with very certain clear ends in view… It is indeed the one common denominator of all the Christian churches. Every one of them, without exception, uses the Lord’s Prayer… its actual use probably exceeds that of all other prayers put together. Undoubtedly everyone seeking to follow the Way that Jesus led, should make a point of using the Lord’s Prayer, and using it intelligently, every day.

Given that Ernie Kurtz, mentioned above, stated that the average alcoholic would rather stay drunk than become religious, the use of Christianity’s Number One prayer in AA meetings is nothing short of ridiculous. Ridiculous.

It’s almost as if there’s some ludicrous prank being played out.

So, here’s what we’re going to do: First, we’ve tell everybody over and over again that “We’re spiritchewal NOT religious.” Then, get this, we’ll hold hands, bow our heads, and spew out (the Protestant version) of Christianity’s favorite prayer. Won’t that be a riot!! Hahahahaha!!

Will AA ever make significant changes? I predict that it will—approximately ten or fifteen years after it’s too late. The Sixth Edition may even have a chapter “TO SPOUSES.”

We may be nearing the time for sober secular folks to head for the door. The reality that we are still a relatively small group is unimportant if we continue to embrace the Zoom solution. It would be better to occupy a small life-raft than a huge sinking ship.


The author of today’s screed, bob k., has contributed many articles to AA Agnostica.org and has written three books – the latest being “Daily Reflections for Modern Twelve Step Recovery,” (January 2025) a reader specifically designed for secularists. “Key Players in AA History” (2015) has achieved sales twenty times that of the average self-published volume and is now in its Second Edition (February, 2023). “The Secret Diaries of Bill W.” (2023) offers a unique (fictional) look at AA’s principal founder.


For a PDF of today’s article, click here: The Mistakes That Are Killing Alcoholics Anonymous.


The post The Mistakes That Are Killing Alcoholics Anonymous first appeared on AA Agnostica.

Switching from Addiction to God is Not a Solution

Why God beliefs, prayer, and forgiveness are
not a solution to addiction—they make it worse.

By Richard Clark

Very few people accept that addiction is a mental illness. Addiction has predictable symptoms, both mental and social, and is about neglect and self-harm. One serious problem is addicts have been indoctrinated into believing they are defective people with bad characters. In my forty years of practise, it’s been consistent that during addiction-related therapy it is particularly difficult for an addict to sincerely change their self-perception from ‘I’m a bad person’ to having a legitimate illness.

I ask you to take two things at face value. The first is that addiction is rooted in dysfunctional (broken) relationships. The second is to understand that there are two classes of symptoms: there’s psychological symptoms and social symptoms. To understand that god-based recovery is less than spiritual I will focus on broken relationships and the social symptoms.

First: For addicts, broken or dysfunctional relationships exist at three levels: (i) a broken relationship in the addict’s mind—the relationship within themselves towards themselves, (ii) broken relationships with people, and (iii) broken relationships with things: distractions, rituals or substances.

Second: Addicts display five social symptoms. 1 – negligent self-harm and harm to others, 2 – dishonesty and evasiveness, 3 – arrogance that conceals a deeper insecurity, 4 – selfishness and neglect of other people’s rights or entitlements, 5 – irresponsible and defiant. Addicts live with these life conditions: broken relationships and harmful social symptoms.

The 1939 AA book Alcoholics Anonymous and its twelve-step solution revolved around a sinner’s character defects and God. Bill Wilson’s conviction that alcoholics are sinners and religion’s interference in mental health is plainly evident. His presentation of illness gets two very brief references, and the religious views of sinner, flawed character, and weak faith are consistently prominent throughout the book and stories. Mr. Wilson’s solution is indoctrination into Christianity

My view is any indoctrination into ‘God-faith-prayer-forgiveness’ or compliance with religious dogma is not a solution, it’s a new problem. The only reliable solution is to ignore religion and, with guidance, voluntarily achieve a psychology of compassionate harmony. This is often glibly referred to as a spiritual lifestyle, but religion does not allow for a ‘spiritual’ lifestyle. The AA steps do not address illness, they address character defects and a faithless personality, which makes us sinners. The Christian view of ‘recovery’ is we need faith, redemption, and God’s forgiveness.

Addicts live with broken relationships on three levels and have five general social symptoms. Granted, this is an over-simplified description of addiction, but it is accurate. For more information:

There exists a few basic claims and obvious beliefs within religious dogma. These are outlined in the right column in the chart that follows. Religions promote these beliefs (the right column) as true and are adamant their unproven speculations about God and sin and faith are true, sacred, and never to be questioned. Religion protects itself by insisting that anything bad said about religion is irreverent and in poor taste.

Here is a chart comparing active addiction (left) and religion (right).

The five social symptoms of addiction… The five beliefs and related behaviours of religion.
1. Self-harm and harm to others — the addict’s determined commitment to self-destructive behavior and negligence towards others. This is harm, sometimes hate, or degradation towards oneself or others seen in the illness of addiction. 1. Self-harm and harm to others — repression and self-shame of sexuality; women believing they are spiritually less than men; promoting gender inequality; harshly judging oneself as a sinner, inadequate to meet God’s laws, seeing oneself as a morally corrupt and doomed sinner. This is self-harm, repression, self-hate, or self-degradation.
2. Dishonesty, lying, and manipulation of others are in the character of an addict from aspects of self-doubt, shame, guilt, cognitive dissonance, repetitive inadequacy. These internal mental symptoms require dishonesty or concealment. 2. Dishonesty, lying — strenuously denying that religion is speculation; presenting hell, heaven, God, or miracles as facts. This is dishonest. Manipulating interpretations to maintain control; dishonestly claiming to ‘know’ God’s preferences; insisting that God exists. To insist that speculation and opinion are facts is dishonest and abusive to manipulate insecure people to claim these speculations are truths.
3. Arrogance and hiding insecurity and anxiety. Arrogance is a concealment strategy addicts use to protect themselves from examination. Most often, in the face of ‘demanding’ and perceptive questions from others the addict has no reply to give so they resort to #5, defiance. 3. Arrogance and hiding insecurity: Righteously believing all other faiths or atheists and agnostics are wrong or weak: Arrogance. Never admitting the possibility of error or wrongdoing and ignoring transgressions and abuses: Righteousness. In the face of perceptive questions about truth, religious people resort to convoluted double talk that makes no sense and blame the questioners for having no faith.
4. Selfishness and callousness in the way addicts avoid admitting past transgressions. They are evasive and indifferent to responsibility and the painful emotional experience of others—the avoidance of responsibility and compassion. Addiction justifies neglect. 4. Selfishness that their faith is the best belief system and that all other beliefs are deficient. It’s calloused to insult others and insist any different opinion is by its very existence inferior. Righteousness. It’s selfish and callous to insist their own brand of speculation is the superlative opinion and degrade, punish, or kill anyone who disagrees.
5. Addicts are irresponsible and defiant and complain (a lot) which are variations and shades of blaming. There’s no accountability for lies, concealment or abuse. Addiction is a carefully orchestrated evasion of responsibility. 5. Religion’s irresponsibility is evasion and defiance to intelligent inquiry when we examine the long, confirmed history of abuse, torture, molestations, rape, persecution, violence and degradation citing that ‘Our opinion of the one true God is the only real one.’ This is religion’s extreme evasion of responsibility and defiant callousness.
The three levels of relationship conflict in addiction: The three levels of relationship conflict in religion:
Relationship Conflict – Internal — secretly believing they are defective or incompetent. Generally, addicts look down upon themselves and at some level believe they are bad and unworthy, a burden, and they “should know better.” Relationship Conflict – Internal — Believing they are failures in the sight of God and inadequate sinners needing salvation and/or forgiveness from priests and God. Believers never measure up to some (vague) unattainable standard of faith; look down upon themselves and at some level believe they are bad.
External Relationships with other people—there is relationship conflict that cannot be resolved or that the addict cannot protect themselves from. Other people are out to get them or are untrustworthy. Anger against self and others is common. External Relationships with other people. Everyone is a sinner. Atheists, agnostics, and those of other faiths are perverted and misdirected. Everyone else is misguided when compared to their own beliefs and their own projections of their God. Conflict and judgement exist between faiths (Jews vs. Christians vs. Muslims) and between different sects of any one faith.
Broken Relationships in Rituals or behaviours. Self-degradation and harm within the addiction of choice: alcohol, drugs, sex, hunting for relationships, romance (ritual), shopping, spending, internet, work (distractions). All addicts have broken relationships with rituals, substances, or distractions. Broken and abusive rituals: harm, degradation and conflict in rituals of prayer and worship, subservience, sinning, bad faith, being inadequate. There’s intellectual conflict and doubt about theories like transubstantiation, chaos about tithing, sacrifice, myths about elaborate costumes, getting ‘all dressed up’ for worship (impression management), stentorian opinions expressed as fact are dishonest; expectations of rapture and reward in rituals and dogma, often leading to self-criticism about poor faith, and being a corrupt human—degrading and broken relationships with rituals, substances, or distractions.

Left Column: Addiction requires delusions about life, blaming, neurotic mental structures, dishonesty, destructive self-harm, irresponsibility, perpetual relationship conflict, dishonesty, criticizing and judging others, and harmful rituals. Right Colum: Religion requires speculation about God, faith, beliefs about miracles, the power of prayer, and self-deprecation to be accepted as facts. It fosters dishonesty and claims that everyone is inherently a sinner and must pray to they God they created for rescue from the problems created by the religion. Religion requires judging and condemning of others, obsessive rituals, being dishonest and arrogant, and demands God and ‘the church’ be more sacred than compassion or equality.

Be mindful of the few truths for atheists and agnostics from Bill Wilson’s book, Alcoholics Anonymous. Most of what’s in the book is decidedly religious and of no real merit in addressing addiction. Here are four truths that should be relied upon. 1 – Sobriety or legitimate abstinence is essential for recovery. 2 – Rigorous honesty is never an option. It’s so significant he explained its importance before he discussed God or the steps. 3 – Addicts must let go of old ideas, rationalizations and justifications. 4 – Criticizing and blaming (often concealed in complaining) is to be eliminated from speech and thought.

Upon reflection, religion encourages participation in self-deprecating rituals. Religion is dishonest when it insists that probable fictions and miracles are facts. It clings to old ideas from the dark ages, and religion criticizes and persecutes people of different beliefs. All rather unspiritual.

Browbeating anyone who is desperate, scared, confused, full of shame and guilt (meaning addicts) into committing to God, faith, prayer, and forgiveness, is a lateral switch from the left to the right column. Traditional AA thinks religion is better just because society thinks it’s better. Society also thinks that shopping and spending addictions, severe credit card debt, and obsessions with body image are acceptable.

In a seminar I once described religion as trying to force obedience by instilling guilt, making empty promises to its parishioners (the hostages), and threatening blackmail. Religion insists people are sinners from birth—everyone’s a hostage. The ransom demands are prayer, obedience to priests and dogma, submission, self-hate, faith, tithing. Meet religion’s ransom demands and religion will set you free, God will save you, help you get sober, grant you relief from suffering, and maybe even let you into heaven. But if you don’t agree to religion’s demands, you’ll remain a flawed sinner, God will be displeased, you’ll continue to act out in torment and probably go to hell. That’s blackmail.

Switching from addiction to religion is substituting the harmful and self-deprecating issues of addiction for the similar views of religion. But… if a person switches to religion society approves of that. A society that approves of religion gives us permission to be unspiritual.

A ‘spiritual lifestyle’ of self-respect, honesty, equality, compassion, responsibility is not available in addiction or religion. Recovery from addiction requires, at the very minimum, two things. The first is a divorce from the arrogance, conflict, self-deprecation, and authorized abuse that is religion. The second is attaining a responsible psychology specific to the illness of addiction that takes you into compassionate harmony. That’s when life gets reliably interesting.

Kind regards
Richard Clark


Richard Clark has been clean and sober since September 1980 and has always been open about his atheism. He is now sober 44 years with no relapses, active in his weekly agnostic meeting, and never concealed his atheism. Professionally, Richard has been a therapist in addictions work since 1985. For several decades he’s been committed to the ancient Buddhist stream of Arhat consciousness and been recognized as a Pratyeka-buddha, pre-Theravada practise (and still working at it). He offers on-line private counselling sessions with clients from across Canada. Richard has written three books and is presently writing a fourth book detailing the psychology of Buddhism, the healthy psychology of atheism, and therapy for counsellors and addicts. There is more information about him at Green Room Lectures.


For a PDF of today’s article, click here: Switching from Addiction to God is not a Solution.

To learn more about his book, click here: The Addiction Recovery Handbook.


 

The post Switching from Addiction to God is Not a Solution first appeared on AA Agnostica.

Sobriety is a Team Sport

By Tom Barnum

My exposure to alcohol has been lifelong and extensive. Every adult in my life drank significant amounts of alcohol with two exceptions. My paternal grandfather did not for his own religious reasons.  And, I had a young uncle who returned from the Navy and I never saw him drink.  I never was given a reason and never knew why he was the exception. Drinking beer from my maternal grandfather’s glass and knowing that drinking in the car was normal everyday behavior in my rural mid-Michigan environment, was simply acceptable in my world. Excessive use of alcohol was part of everyday life. The only restriction on alcohol consumption that I was ever exposed to, came from high school athletics. In the early and mid 1960’s if you were caught drinking, as a high school athlete, you would lose a full year of eligibility for a first offense. Since football and basketball was at the center of my self identity, alcohol consumption was limited and my behavior became very sneaky.

For more details about the book and its author, click on this image

This problem was resolved when I earned a football scholarship to play Big Ten football at Michigan State University. Details of my life and my “off the hook” behavior on a college campus in the late 1960’s are not needed. From campus to a brief NFL linebacker, North Dallas Forty experiment did not train me properly for my eventual career as a public school educator. At one point the superintendent of schools warned the other teachers and coaches to just stay away from me after work.

It took a drunk driving arrest in my mid thirties and a mandated threat from my wife, to get me into a thirty day treatment center and my fist exposure to Alcoholics Anonymous. I had never considered the possibility that I might be an alcoholic. I had never even met an alcoholic. From that time forward I attended AA, learned a few things, and hated it. I could never understand these strange happy old people, meeting in the basement of the Greek Orthodox Church on Monday nights at 8pm. These meetings allowed me to become a “Dry Drunk” for nearly fifteen years.

It took my addiction to Blackjack many years later and my eventual education about the underpinnings of addiction to allow me the chance to follow a path and live the sober life I have discovered. Sobriety Is A Team Sport is my attempt at sharing.


Tom Barnum is a former taxi squad linebacker who played for the Miami Dolphins and Minnesota Vikings. After battling alcoholism, Barnum found his path to sobriety through community support and mindful living. Now, as a dedicated advocate for recovery, he uses his personal experience to help others find their own winning team in the fight against addiction.

Again, for more details about the book he has published, click here: Sobriety is a Team Sport.


 

The post Sobriety is a Team Sport first appeared on AA Agnostica.

To What Extent Do We Tolerate the Religious in Secular AA?

By John M.

The world has been enchanted for a very long time. It’s not supposed to be this way, as we were told quite a long time ago by theories of secularization. According to these theories, after the scientific revolutions of the 17th and 18th centuries, the realm of the supernatural was expected to have “died” for modern men and women. Natural law and the clear light of reason were anticipated to emerge victorious.

Jason Ānanda Josephson Storm’s, The Myth of Disenchantment: Magic, Modernity, and the Birth of the Human Sciences, demonstrates how mystical the world’s thinking still is. One striking statistic he presents is that approximately three-quarters of Americans believe in ghosts, telepathy, witches, demonic possession, or something similar.

Today, religious individuals are quite pleased with the fact that secular societies have not fully separated themselves from religion. This sentiment is particularly strong in Alcoholics Anonymous.

Perhaps, though, it’s closer to the truth that our religious members are simply much more vocal than the rest of the membership in asserting that the mysterious and miracle-working God of their understanding is truly the only one that has ever held credibility in AA.

Regardless of whether it’s the overwhelming majority of AA believers or a small group’s unwavering enthusiasm, the non-believer is constantly confronted with the undeniable fact that AA’s ambiguous relationship with religion is deeply ingrained in the very foundation of the program, from its inception!

I once spent some time counting the number of times the terms “Higher Power” and “a Power/power greater than ourselves” were used in the Big Book. My initial reading of the Big Book had led me to think of various naturalistic and secular ways a “power greater than me” could be used. Had I missed or repressed all this “Higher Power” stuff?

No, it turns out I hadn’t because the Big Book only mentions “Higher Power” twice, while “a power greater than ourselves” or “myself” is used 23 times. (Higher Power is frequently used in the 12 & 12, published 14 years after the Big Book.)

So, here I was, a relatively new member of Alcoholics Anonymous, ready to share (or correct) anyone who would listen that the concept of a “power greater than” should be the orthodox approach and therefore a secular power is easily conceived. I explained that “Higher Power” was merely an expression that gained traction within the fellowship over time, similar to how “disease” attained acceptance over time with the fellowship but is used only once in the Big Book as a metaphor, referring to “spiritual disease.”

The sole problem with my line of reasoning was that the term “God” appeared an inordinate number of times in the Big Book. So much for a convincing argument gesturing toward a secular approach!

Drat! Who cares to admit complete defeat? A Higher Power, though not literally spelled out more than twice in the Big Book, was otherwise referenced as “God” on almost every page of that God-intoxicated text!

So, I learned early in my sobriety that there’s no way around the “religion debate” in AA.

Naturally, as secular groups began to form and establish our autonomy within AA as outlined in the 12 Traditions, the debates seem to have grown exponentially, aided, of course, by the Internet.

Lately, I’ve been spending more and more time reading numerous posts and responses on both secular and traditional AA websites.

On the secular sites, the debates, mostly among ourselves, often revisit the issue of how to handle our fellow recovering alcoholics whose AA message has taken on a distinctly religious (usually Christian) tone. Still, it’s been my experience that secular members online generally respect everyone’s right to use their own religious beliefs to stay sober. Ultimately, all recovery is a cause for celebration!

Most secularists simply advise our religious members against imposing their beliefs on us. Regarding AA’s traditional literature, many online respondents often just say, “take what you like and leave the rest behind.” Other individuals say they “translate” the religious language found in AA into social scientific or natural scientific concepts. They also note that they “de-God” (or “degawd,” if you prefer) the God-language in the Big Book, the 12 & 12, and other AA literature to essentially “save” the text from its supernatural leanings. Finally, there is a good core of recovered alcoholics who simply don’t read any of the literature, don’t follow the Steps, and don’t “work” the program. For them, the community of their fellow alcoholics is what got them sober and helped them recover.

So, at what point do we decide whether to complain about or disregard the religious aspects of AA or wherever else we encounter religious beliefs in the individuals we read, listen to, or interact with? I’ll mention one of our recovered secular alcoholics (with tons of sobriety) who is quite open about his disdain for the religious elements of AA. Recently, he expressed that he still holds a great deal of respect and admiration for the Christian poets, John Donne and William Blake. At what point, however, does he cut these two authors “some slack” regarding their religious beliefs but nevertheless he is unable to do the same with AA literature? (I’m intrigued about this, by the way, and not at all judgmental.)

I’m particularly curious about how secular individuals cope with the religious aspects of AA. What are the boundaries that permit the disregard of religious elements, such as “filtering” out religious discussions to extract beneficial principles, even though the concept of God is mentioned? Yet, is there a point where the religious content in AA becomes poisonous to the overall message?

To further examine the concept of secular toleration for religious expression in Alcoholics Anonymous, I propose a thought experiment or perhaps a “litmus test” to identify what religious content is deemed unacceptable by certain individuals and what can be considered harmless and irrelevant. This approach would allow for the appreciation of other basic principles and values, regardless of the religious context. For instance, in the works of poets like John Donne and William Blake, or any other religious poet one likes, what aspects of their poetry can be cherished and appreciated without considering their theological beliefs?

The “litmus test” I want to use is an extract from a sermon that appears in a film many of you may have seen called A River Runs Through It. It’s based on a semi-autobiographical story by Norman Maclean about growing up in early 20th-century Montana with his younger brother, mother, and Presbyterian minister father. His younger brother, Paul, an alcoholic and gambling addict,* shares a love for fly-fishing with their father, and much of the story revolves around their shared passion for fishing, the grandeur of the great outdoors, and reflections on the brothers’ aspirations for their futures.

[Spoiler alert] Tragically, by the story’s end, Paul is brutally beaten to death and the final scenes delve into how Norman, his mother, and father grapple with making sense of Paul’s life and death.

The part of the film that particularly captivates me is an extract from the movie featuring a sermon preached by their minister father sometime after Paul’s murder. I was deeply moved by the poignancy of the extract when I first watched the Robert Redford-directed film and recall having essentially the same question that I will pose for you after presenting the father’s text below:

Each one of us here today will at one time in our lives look upon a loved one who is in need and ask the same question: We are willing to help, Lord, but what, if anything, is needed? For it is true we can seldom help those closest to us.

Either we don’t know what part of ourselves to give or, more often than not, the part we have to give is not wanted. And so it is those we live with and should know who elude us.

But we can still love them – we can love completely without complete understanding.

So, here’s my question: is this a religious address? It’s from a sermon delivered by a Presbyterian minister on a Sunday morning in a church to a congregation of Christian worshippers. The word “God” is mentioned only once, and referred to as “Lord.” However, a significant portion of the text could be interpreted without the specific context of a Christian church on a Sunday morning.

Still, for the sake of comparing AA to this homily, let’s assume that this passage is indeed religious, given its Christian setting during a Sunday morning service.

If we consider Alcoholics Anonymous as a whole, this short scene, I’ll admit, has some limitations in comparison. The Big Book, as we know, employs a substantial amount of “God-language,” while this short homily uses “Lord,” only once. Given the sheer number of times God is referenced in the Big Book, it is obvious to many of us that the Big Book is at least a quasi-religious text, even though AA itself claims to be spiritual, not religious. Yet, this address is more of an open question regarding its apparent religiosity.

So why do I still want to compare the Big Book and this homily? I believe what distinguishes them is what makes them different.

When comparing the Big Book (or even just the 12 Steps) with the minister’s sermon from the film, the Big Book clearly outlines its otherworldly and transcendent belief structure by asserting that “probably no human power could have relieved us of our alcoholism” and “that God could and would if He were sought.” (And these are just two of many such assertions about God’s power throughout AA literature.)

The message in the sermon, however, emphasizes the human-centred and interpersonal nature of helping, indicating that it comes from other people or loved ones (if accepted). This perspective could be presented by almost any secular professional in the counselling community.

Despite the contrasting sizes of AA literature and this short homily, comparing these two sources side by side highlights something else crucial about what secularists, I suspect, will tolerate (or not) when confronted with a religiously saturated text or community.

Many texts are intentionally structured with ambiguities, and “tensions” between contrasting terms are common in literature. For instance, consider the 12 Steps. We have God contrasted with men and women; the power of God contrasted with human power; God’s will versus human will; and God’s perfection compared to human defects and shortcomings.

So, it may not be the sheer frequency of mentions of God or a Higher Power in the Steps, the Big Book, or other AA literature that matters, but rather the fact that in the “tension” between contrasting terms, God simply (and infuriatingly, for us) overpowers the human realm. God becomes the supreme term in the text, overshadowing the simple human concepts of responsibility, will, agency, and the act of helping others. While human power to act and the notion of responsibility are certainly present in the Big Book, people are ultimately overshadowed by the divine and subsumed under the authority of God’s transcendent majesty and mystery. Religious metaphysics dominates the all-too-human existential reality of people living out their lives in families, groups, and communities.

The Big Book both suggests and trivializes making the group one’s higher power by asserting, “[s]urely you can have faith in them [the group]. Even this minimal will be enough.” Secularists, however, understand that in much of 20th-century philosophy and psychology, interpersonal, existential relationships, such as mutual recognition and reciprocity between people, or the necessity to be “seen” and “affirmed,” are the very essence of human well-being and should not be downplayed or minimized.

It’s easier to live with the supernatural beliefs of a religious text when it accurately portrays the dynamics of interpersonal relationships as the result of human agency rather than divine will or God’s direct intervention. By decentering God and focusing on the human, a text becomes more straightforward for us to justify its other positive qualities, such as making amends, overcoming resentments, and helping others, etc.

Coupled with the action of “de-Godding” the text, this is how those of us defending the merits of the Big Book and other AA literature are able to “save” the program for a secular approach while simultaneously defending it even from our fellow atheist and agnostic skeptics who, at times, appear unwilling to “cut AA some slack.”

We do, however, understand our fellow secular skeptics and empathize with their perspective. Many of them affirm that they achieved sobriety without resorting to the Steps and the Big Book. Instead, they found solace and support in the fellowship, where they engaged in mutual assistance with fellow alcoholics and friends, which played a crucial role in their recovery.

It seems to me that the closer the alcoholic approaches the existential, interpersonal, and profoundly grounded essence of humanism, the more deeply rooted and realistic he or she becomes, which has consistently proven to be the cornerstone of any successful recovery program, including traditional AA (viewed from a secular perspective, that is).

Perhaps that’s the rawest testimony about the underlying effectiveness of secular Alcoholics Anonymous: the closer you get to the existential focus of person-to-person interaction and alcoholics staying grounded and focused on very real human capacities, not only do we recover, but the more patient we become with the religious orientation of traditional AA.

The only exception to this patience and tolerance is with the AA dogmatists who threaten and harangue our fellow alcoholics with the lie that they can’t get sober, and stay sober, without God.

This is especially so when we come across the newcomer to sobriety who desperately wants to get sober, is afraid of relapsing, and terrified of a future without alcohol. They’re vulnerable, and fragile, and easily intimidated in early sobriety. The last thing a non-believing newcomer needs to hear is that recovery from their alcoholism is dependent on a belief in God. In short, it’s just another thing to scare someone out of an AA meeting and back into their alcoholism.

The “vulnerable” individuals should always be the focus of why we secularists resist the religious bias present in AA literature and counter the proselytizers trying to evangelize their one-dimensional message in the rooms of AA. That sin against the spirit, in Christian parlance, is unforgivable!


Please note that I don’t believe there can be an objective answer to the title of this article. How an atheist or an agnostic tolerates religious expression is highly subjective and depends on numerous factors. I’m simply sharing my impressions of what others in both secular and traditional AA formats have conveyed about religious expression within the fellowship over the nearly 18 years of my sobriety.

* It’s more apparent in the novella than in the film that Paul has major problems with alcohol and gambling.


John is 71 and got sober in 2007 at the age of 54. Twenty-one days at the Renascent Treatment Centre in Toronto kickstarted his journey of continuous sobriety into the present day. He really only took AA seriously when he heard speaker after speaker say that they never felt comfortable in their own skin long before they took their first drink. In John’s opinion, the key to both physical and emotional sobriety is the acknowledgement in the Big Book: “Our liquor was but a symptom. So we had to get down to causes and conditions.” (p. 64).

John served as a General Service Representative (GSR) for his first home group and then for his secular home group, which he and a few others started north of Toronto in 2012.

He has written a few articles for AA Agnostica over the years and is always happy to support this website.


For a PDF of today’s article, click here: To What Extent Do We Tolerate the Religious in Secular AA.


 

The post To What Extent Do We Tolerate the Religious in Secular AA? first appeared on AA Agnostica.

Daily Reflections – by bob k.

February 16 Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.
—Arthur Ashe 1943-1993

The advice from the great tennis player and civil rights activist applies particularly well in the world of recovery. At whatever age prospects arrive, there have been lost years and lost opportunities. Where you are is not where you want to be. Nevertheless, we must use what we have to do what we can.

People in recovery from addiction often bemoan the lost years—the wasted years. We hear abundant talk about acceptance and the ultimate in acceptance may come in not battling the seemingly obvious reality that the past is unchangeable. The rest of my life begins today. I need to start where I am. The Eckhart Tolle’s of the world tell us there is ONLY now.

The golfer Ben Hogan had a serious car accident that would have been a career ender for many and a career limiter for others. Hogan battled back and his greatest achievements came after the injuries that were sustained in the car wreck. Toronto Maple Leaf hockey player Bobby Baun fractured his leg in a game in the Stanley Cup finals. Instead of being carted off to the hospital, Baun scored the winning goal by staying and playing after having the leg “frozen.”

“Your present circumstances don’t determine where you can go; they merely determine where you start.”(Nido Qubein, Motivational Speaker, b. 1948) There’s not a lot of choice as far as starting where you are. Where else are you going to start? You either start where you are or you don’t start at all. Absent H.G. Wells and his time machine, these are the only options.

Is there any other choice but to start where I am? Can I make my many scars have value? When I can’t do everything, is it important to do what I can?


February 17 Self-control is strength. Calmness is mastery. You have to get to a point where your mood doesn’t shift based on the insignificant actions of someone else. Don’t allow others to control the direction of your life. Don’t allow your emotions to overpower your intelligence.
—Morgan Freeman b. 1937

According to the fact checkers at Snopes.com: “While it’s possible that Freeman might agree with various aspects of the sentiment of the quote, there is no evidence that he ever said these words.” Something quite similar was written many years earlier. “Self-control is strength; Right Thought is mastery; Calmness is power.” (As A Man Thinketh, James Allen, 1903) In any case, the point has been made that any quote’s contents are of greater importance than the source. I LOVE “It’s easier to put on a pair of slippers than to carpet the entire world.” Al Franken, not so much.

James Allen (1864-1912) tells us that “humanity surges with uncontrolled passion, is tumultuous with ungoverned grief, is blown about by anxiety and doubt…” There is a solution: “Only the wise man, only he whose thoughts are controlled and purified, makes the winds and the storms obey him…” These ideas seem to have migrated from the East. Over the years, there has been a glorification of vengeance in American culture. We’re slow in giving that up.

There’s a popular AA slogan EASY DOES IT. In my area, in the 1990s, the following interpretation was often presented. “EASY DOES IT: E-D-I: Emotions Destroy Intelligence.” This echoes the latter part of the Freeman quote.

Are you “quick to anger?” Is the negativity more obvious when other people “lose their chit?” Can an old dog learn new tricks?


February 18 The sway of alcohol over mankind is
unquestionably due to its power to stimulate the mystical faculties of human nature, usually crushed to earth by the cold facts and the dry criticisms of the sober hour. Sobriety
diminishes, discriminates, and says no; drunkenness
expands, unites, and says yes.

—Varieties of Religious Experience, William James, p. 282

We know from Wilson’s letters to Carl Jung and from a more lengthy exchange with a Philadelphian who had been treated by Jung, that “Bill revealed a very Jamesian understanding of the affirming, even mystical place of alcohol in the lives of many drinkers who became alcoholics.” (The Collected Ernie Kurtz, p. 66) Kurtz goes on to write that James’s greatest direct contribution to Alcoholics Anonymous was the openness to unconventional spirituality.

James wrote about alcoholism in his massive Principles of Psychology (1890): “How many excuses does the drunkard find when each new temptation comes! It is a new brand of liquor…moreover it is poured out and it is sin to waste it; or they are all drinking and it would be churlishness to refuse; or it is but to enable him to sleep, or just to get through this job of work; or it isn’t drinking, it is because he feels so cold; or it is Christmas day…it is, in fact, anything you like except being a drunkard.” (vol II, p. 565) His younger brother Robertson had a lifelong addiction to alcohol.

Although Bill Wilson attached cofounder status to the Harvard polymath, nowhere in AA’s literature do we find William James’s most famous line about alcoholism: The only radical remedy I know for dipsomania is religiomania. Kurtz says that most alcoholics would rather be drunk than religious. Bill W. understood that.

Were you, at least at one time, remarkably stimulated by drinking? More so than other folks? Did you try to quit drinking and then create ridiculous excuses to drink?


Bob’s newest book, Daily Reflections for Modern Twelve Step Recovery, published in January, is available on Amazon. And his other two books Key Players in AA History, the second edition published in 2023, and The Secret Diaries of Bill W., published in 2023, are also available on Amazon.


For a PDF of today’s article, click here: Daily Reflections.


 

The post Daily Reflections – by bob k. first appeared on AA Agnostica.

Step One – Alcoholics Anonymous

By Andy F.

First exposure to step one

When I first got sober, I was a mass of contradictions. On the one hand, my self-image was fragile; on the other hand, I saw myself as bright and reasonably well-educated. I mention this because believing in the power of my intelligence didn’t work when tackling the implications of step one. This step couldn’t be more straightforward. It states:

We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.

Powerlessness

If someone asked me to explain what powerless meant, I would not have been able to tell them. As strange as this may sound, I didn’t understand the word ‘powerless’ or how to define it. At face value, it seemed easy enough to understand. To me, it may as well have been Greek. Yet the plain truth was that I spent most of my life trapped in an out-of-control cycle of addiction.

I was nineteen when I ended up a homeless person. At that young age, I had only one agenda: – to drink as much as I could, as often as I could. Dispatching myself from reality was my primary and only purpose. Yet when I came to AA, something in my brain prevented me from understanding what the first step was trying to tell me.

Today, after many years of relapse, I have gained an education about step one that I hope I never forget. When it comes to putting alcohol into my body, I can’t stop until I am entirely drunk. Alcohol releases an obsession in my mind and a craving in my body that condemns me to keep drinking until I pass out.

Unmanageability

It was the same with the adjective ‘unmanageable.’ I was so full of self-will when I arrived to AA, that I was unable to surrender to a sponsor’s guidance. I was determined to manage my life without anyone in the fellowship telling me what to do. This attitude created a catalog of disasters that, after a long road of relapse and misery, forced me to ask for help. Despite my best efforts, I achieved very little in early recovery. For over a decade, during which time I was mostly sober, I was unable to make any progress in rebuilding my life.

Yet, the strange thing was that I couldn’t tell you what step one was saying. I have often wondered why this was. In hindsight, I must have had a lot invested in denying the truth about my relationship with alcohol. I earnestly believed that I could take it or leave it. In hindsight, I guess it was too humiliating to admit to myself that, with or without a drink, I was a total mess.

The jumping-off place

I fought hard to achieve the career ambitions that would give me credibility in the eyes of others. I failed at pretty much everything I set my hand to. What money I did make was under the table and away from the tax man’s gaze. I also wanted to meet a woman and start a family. It wasn’t to be. Every relationship I started was unstable and codependent. I just wasn’t mentally and emotionally well enough to create anything worthwhile. The relationships I tried were short-lived.

“The primary fact we fail to recognize is our total inability to form a true partnership with another human being.”
(12&12 Step Four, p. 53)

“What on earth was wrong,” I thought. “I’m sober now!?” Not drinking wasn’t working! So, I went into therapy to try and resolve childhood issues. To my great consternation, therapy made me even worse! I was constantly angry and depressed. Even years after coming to AA, I suffered from dramatic mood swings and panic attacks. Depression and self-pity would frequently paralyze me. I remained on this merry-go-round of madness for years, refusing to get a sponsor and take any suggestions.

At the time, I had so much prejudice against The “God” word that I wanted nothing to do with the steps. Moreover, I didn’t like the sponsorship idea because they represented an authority figure, which I resented. Gradually, I sank deeper and deeper into despair and eventually ended up with a death wish, stone-cold sober!

“He will be at the jumping-off place; he will wish for the end.”
(BB “Vision for you” p. 152)

A moment of truth

Of all places, I surrendered in a step one meeting. They were reading the first step from The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions. Here I was – counting days again.

“Who cares to admit complete defeat? Practically no one, of course. Every natural instinct cries out against the idea of personal powerlessness. It is truly awful to admit that, glass in hand, we have warped our minds into such an obsession for destructive drinking that only an act of providence can remove it from us.”
(12×12 Step one p. 21)

Ego collapse

At that meeting, after struggling with what I now know was untreated alcoholism, my ego finally collapsed. I knew it was all over and had no alternative but to admit defeat. Quite simply, I had used up all my escape routes. Sex, the illusion of power, money, and trips overseas were only temporary fixes. Sooner or later, I returned to my default position: – a sense of hopelessness and impending doom,

“No other bankruptcy is like this one. Alcohol now” ( after thirteen years in AA) “become the rapacious creditor, bleeds us of all self-sufficiency and all will to resist its demands.”
(12&12 Step One p. 21)

Initially, I felt humiliated when my eyes opened to the consequences of my impulsive and dishonest choices. I admitted total “bankruptcy” (12&12 p. 21) in every area of my life. This resulted from the very best of my “old ideas.” (BB p. 58), a quote from Chapter Five of the Big Book. I was devastated! It was the darkest moment of my life.

“How dark it is before the dawn!”
(BB “Bill’s story” p. 8)

Yet, twenty-eight years later, I am here to tell you that the day my ego collapsed was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Becoming teachable

I finally became teachable. With the help of a sponsor, I learned to be honest and admitted that I had been powerless over alcohol from my first drink. Moreover, despite my best efforts to be secure and in control of my life, I also learned I was powerless over people, places, and things. Steps four to nine taught me that I couldn’t change people’s behavior towards me but could change how I reacted. (Step Seven)

While working on step one, my sponsor also pointed out why a hyphen separates powerlessness and unmanageability. He got me to see that one was the consequence of the other. They are, in fact, interchangeable.

“We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.”

Very simply, my addiction to alcohol made life unmanageable, and my chaotic and unmanageable lifestyle made for more drinking. Step one suddenly made total sense when I looked at it in reverse. This kind of insanity was the story of my life. I’m amazed it took me so long to see it! I guess it takes what it takes. I could have saved myself a lot of pain if I had been honest with myself sooner.

Today, I know it was my alcoholic ego that had me fooled for so long. I believed everything it told me. My ego rendered me incapable of being honest. The truth was that it was me who had always been the problem. It was me that had made such a mess of my life. Of course, it was easier to blame my dysfunctional childhood. Ultimately, I didn’t take step one through any personal virtue. It happened to me spontaneously after thirteen years of relapse. My crazy, alcoholic ego was left with no choice but to haul up the white flag of surrender.

I hope it doesn’t take you as long to admit step one as it did me.

Agnostics recover too

As an agnostic alcoholic, I didn’t have to believe in God to reap the enormous benefits of working the steps.

“You can, if you wish, make AA itself your higher power.”
(12&12 Step Two p. 27)

I try not to listen to “Radio Andy” anymore. After forty years in AA, I still attend regular meetings. Sometimes, the ego can still convince me that it knows best. Running things by my sponsor is always a good idea. Sponsoring newcomers has become a big part of my AA service work. It is gradually teaching me love, humility, and tolerance. I receive a tremendous sense of fulfillment when a sponsee starts making progress.

So long as I keep living in the solutions learned in AA, I have nothing to fear. I am grateful that I know what is wrong with me today. I have a killer illness. But I needed to get the Gift Of Desperation (a helpful acronym for God) before seeing it. As an alcoholic, it is in my best interests to remain teachable. With AA’s help, I turned my life around. Today, I enjoy and don’t endure my sobriety.


Andy F. went to his first meeting on May 15th, 1984. Having had negative experiences with religion and religious people in childhood, he found it impossible to embrace the twelve steps. Frequent references to God and a higher power put him off completely. He decided to pursue his recovery through therapy. Unfortunately, it didn’t keep him sober. He became a serial relapser and, several times, came close to losing his life. Eventually, he was lucky to find an experienced oldtimer happy to work with an agnostic. Andy was able to stay sober and recreate his life. It’s now been twenty-seven years since his last relapse. He is committed to sponsorship and has become an avid blogger. Andy’s blogs are about his experiences in recovery as an agnostic alcoholic.


For more information about Andy and the books that he has written and published, click here: https://aaforagnostics.com/.


 

The post Step One – Alcoholics Anonymous first appeared on AA Agnostica.

Secular AA

By Vince Hawkins

What is Secular AA? Who is it for? What use is it? Is it a threat to traditional AA? It’s an odd thing to review your own book, but thanks to Roger at aaagnostica.org for the challenge and I’ll try to step away for an objective perspective. There is no official connection of the book to the Secular AA organization, but I am a member of Secular AA and have been since its inception. So you could say that my book is an inside job.

Secular AA includes a history of the Secular AA wing of AA from its foundation in Santa Monica on 6-8 November 2014 with the WAFT convention.

Secular AA includes sections on meetings, steps and “How AA Got Religion” which is a repeat of a chapter in An Atheists Unofficial Guide to AA. However, sympathetic readers, and especially new ones, will hopefully enjoy another airing.

Secular AA covers the ground where members write their own programs. It aims to provide the tools and inspiration for a truly personal journey in recovery where the travellers can take pride in their own work.

There is no suggestion that they do it alone. There is plenty of help available from members willing to make suggestions and nudge new members here and there in the right direction if they are going off piste. My own greater powers comprise all the people who have helped me along the way; all the people I have helped; and a few things at first sight less tangible like evolution and nature.

However, I throw my hands up when I hear some guru-type say “there is only one program … mine – or the Big Book way.” Or a well-meaning Joe Soap might say “I only know one way to do the program – the way I was taught – so you’ll have to do it that way, too.” My idea of a sponsor is someone who helps other members to construct their own programs.

But Secular AA does not rubbish traditional AA. I ‘did the steps’ in the Big Book before embarking on an independent voyage and the experience provided an ideal benchmark against which to measure my own ideas.

Secular AA includes a foreword where the honest admission is made that a secular meeting we started in Valencia, Spain, folded after six years. It touches real life where we can learn from past experience and move on. I’m reminded of the NA preamble which refers to the ‘spiritual’ principles of honesty, open-mindedness and willingness.

Secular AA takes a look at spirituality. “People in the secular camp are at odds with each other about whether there can be non-religious spirituality or whether the word is synonymous with religion. People in the religious camp are equally at odds with each other along the same lines. So there are four groups. Religious people of either standpoint and non-religious people of either standpoint. I used to think the only answer was to delete the word from the English language! However, I have recently come across the acronym SBNR. Spiritual But Not Religious. This is used by people describing themselves to potential mates on dating sites. For me it ends discussion about whether ‘spiritual’ is only synonymous with religion or whether there exist various kinds of secular spirituality. The traditional AA program could be spiritual without being religious.”

Who is this work aimed at?

“It is aimed at alcoholics put off traditional Alcoholics Anonymous by the god content of its literature and paraphernalia at its meetings like the banners on the wall showing the AA Twelve Steps.

“It suggests that members forge their own programs. It assumes that members can decide for themselves whether to adopt a step-based program and how they define spirituality. There are as many ways of dealing with the program as people doing it. So this is a secular version of the program. The object is purely to widen the net which catches the imagination of people who have been attracted into AA’s ambit so that a greater number can get the program, giving up alcohol happily and becoming contented, decently functioning human beings.

“First, this book helps a newcomer to address the essential question: am I an alcoholic? For those deciding in the affirmative or continuing to ponder the question we move on to the basic premise of accepting the need for change and stopping drinking as in step 1. Then we have to deal with the withdrawals, a process which can take up to two years like dealing with any post traumatic stress disorder.

The timetable is adaptable just like everything else in AA but, if the individual chooses to work through a series of steps of their own devising, or choice, it would seem advisable to stick to the order of steps laid down.

“I worked on traditional steps 1–3 over and over again in the early days while I went through the worst of the withdrawals. But right from the off I rewrote parts that didn’t fit. Then, when ready, a member should get a sponsor or sponsors and embark on remedial action followed by clearing away the wreckage of the past. Later comes daily self-improvement and, finally, helping others.

“Then this book addresses people outside AA: the family of a recovering alcoholic and the connections of an alcoholic who still drinks – family and employer. The A–Z explains terms in AA that a newcomer or connections of an alcoholic might hear without at first understanding what they mean.

“Sections of the Big Book to which I refer readers directly are Chapters 3 more about alcoholism and 10 to employers, parts of Chapter 2 there is a solution and Chapter 5, and the Doctor’s Opinion which is a foreword. Readers wishing to check out AA co-founder, Bill W’s story will find that it forms Chapter 1 of the Big Book. Dr Bob’s story (AA’s other co-founder) and those of other early members are in the back of the Big Book.  

“I do not refer atheists or agnostics to Chapter 4 of the Big Book, We Agnostics, but suggest readers who hold a religious belief refer to it. Ultimately this chapter does not accept agnostic views, let alone atheist ones: it implies that eventually, if one works the program properly, one is bound to share the god-based views of the majority of AA’s founding members. I reject this idea unequivocally.

“Nevertheless, while there are parts of the Big Book that are unashamedly religious, or dated, when it is filleted of these old bones much remains on the plate that is still helpful. I have paraphrased some of this helpful content or pointed out where readers can find it. Many ideas come from other sources and a good deal of it is even original.”

Nowadays, with the Secular AA option, there is no longer an absolute need to progress through the twelve steps. Many members do so, but now it is possible to construct your own program and if this is the course you decide to take, you will need to seek support from more experienced members who are sympathetic to the route you have decided to take.

What of the steps? There are 12 steps in AA, but I believe they can be whittled down to four.

  • Abstention: this is the crux. The rest is a distraction from the withdrawals to enable one to stop drinking.

  • A self-appraisal to enable DIY self-improvement and the emergence of a contented, useful, human being.

  • Amends to anyone you’ve harmed in the past to help get rid of guilt and shame and improve self-esteem.

  • ‘Maintenance’ including calming mechanisms like meditation and daily personal inventory, apologising where appropriate and helping others.

The original Alcoholics Anonymous was published in 1939, written by Bill Wilson who I believe was an agnostic. Nevertheless he borrowed heavily from the Oxford Group. AA and the Oxford Group were ships that followed a similar course for a few short years. Then they went their separate ways, but the influence of the Oxford Group from those days has remained set in stone in the Big Book.

From its Christian roots the Oxford Group is now an informal, international network of people of many faiths and backgrounds seeking world peace. Now known as Initiatives of Change, it encourages the involvement of participants in political and social issues. One of the Oxford Group’s core ideas was that change of the world starts with seeking change in oneself.

While AA also acknowledges the importance of change, ironically this does not apply to its basic textbook.

So, what use is Secular AA? It fills in the void of change that traditional AA has failed to make. Is it a threat to traditional AA? Not at all, it’s just helping to nudge AA into the modern world. Did you know that Secular AA has even booked a hospitality suite to show itself at the AA world convention in Vancouver in July. Books like mine will not be on sale there, but that’s another story … …

Secular AA will be my final addiction book because I’ve had too many birthdays, both belly button and AA, and if I write any more it will be fiction to add to my one masterpiece to date in that area Trader Bob. An Atheists Unofficial Guide to AA came out in 2011; the daily reader Everyone’s An Addict (or As Vince Sees It) in 2018. And slotted in between is the currently best selling An Atheists Twelve Steps to Self-improvement – To Accompany Any Program which came out in 2012. They’re all still in print on Amazon and Kindle.


It may also be worth a visit to vincehawkins.com for those who haven’t already been there.


For a PDF of this article, click here: Secular AA.


 

The post Secular AA first appeared on AA Agnostica.

Rigorous Honesty and Addiction Recovery (Part Two – Rigorous Honesty and the Steps)

By Richard Clark

I approach addiction with the belief it is a mental illness, and the best recovery results require a psychological twelve steps incorporated within longer term therapy/counselling. Addiction is not a disease, not a mental ‘condition’ of some vague description, and certainly not a collection of character defects requiring God and prayer (and forgiveness is one of the worst things to include in recovery). The psychological steps I present here, when coupled with longer-tern counselling, have offered an 80% success rate in my private practise. Recovery is much more effective if all religious speculations are excluded.

In 1984 I was four years into recovery and in close and supportive relationships with a psychotherapist and two AA spiritual advisors. They respected that I was an atheist. I reworded the steps to my atheist satisfaction, and have used them in my work as a sponsor and counsellor since 1985. A secular ‘How It Works’ with these atheist steps is an appendix in my book, The Addiction Recovery Handbook. In the 1980s I realized that the nature of honesty changed dramatically as a person progressed through the steps. This is a very basic explanation.

  1. We admitted we were powerless over our addiction—that our lives had become unmanageable.

Being honest about active addiction is relatively straight forward and doesn’t need a lot of in-depth psychology or insightful awareness. Honesty seems relatively easy when the crises of self-destruction and chaotic irresponsibility are obvious. Why, then, is it so difficult to admit “I’m an addict,”?

Since 1939 we have been indoctrinated into believing alcoholics are bad characters (‘sinners’ from the Christian Temperance movement, The Oxford Group, and AA). Society has been trained to view morbid alcoholics, drug addicts, notorious gamblers, and porn/sex addicts as nasty people—sinners in need of forgiveness. It’s difficult enough to admit mental illness but to declare you are an addict of some description is the shameful admission of being a very bad person. This is why people so often protect their anonymity—the social and religious persecution of being irresponsibly bad.

  1. Came to believe we could not recover on our own; we needed to seek support and guidance to restore ourselves to health.

To come to believe you must seek help you have to first, decide to stop hiding the shameful parts of your addiction; and second, admit you are not as independent or smart as you thought. Your shameful/guilty secrets are consequences of illness, not indicators of a nasty character as religious folks would have you believe. This added degree of honesty requires more than admitting you’re an addict—it means you also agree to expose shameful parts of your personality.

  1. We decided and were actively committed to getting help, whatever the cost.

Rigorous honesty increases. You commit to asking someone for help. That’s risky. Addicts are full of shameful secrets and distrust, they want to recover alone, and how do they know whoever they might talk to can be trusted? Step Three requires an honest and firm commitment to trust people by exposing your neediness to others. Potential social exposure is dangerous (to more than just addicts).

  1. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

Honesty with themselves about themselves—an ‘internal honesty’ necessary for progress. Writing down grudges and grievances exposes shame and guilt and makes everything real in black and white on paper. This requires more honest responsibility than in the earlier steps and more willpower to honestly write down how we behaved as addicts. The honesty game changes from an abstract conversation (in Steps One and Two) to evidence written on paper.

  1. Admitted to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

So far, honesty has been difficult buy only internal; written down ‘for your eyes only’ in a confidential document. There have been no witnesses and no social exposure. At Step Five honesty is turned up a few degrees—you must undergo public exposure. Step Five is coming out of the secrecy closet. Yes, only to one person you hope is trustworthy, but it still demands “going public,” and a greater trust in the importance of honesty.

  1. We became ready to embrace humility through equality and compassion.

  2. We embraced humility, as in the principles of accountability, honesty, and equality and were determined to reduce our character defects.

This is the start of a major turning point. ‘Humility’ is a taboo subject, partly because it’s burdened with debasing religious perceptions of the human condition before God, and partly because most people don’t understand addiction as a complex mental illness. Many people, especially atheist/agnostics, try to straddle the chaos: (a) sensing that humility is important to recovery, and something must be done about it, (b) not understanding it at all, and (c) it can’t be understood without some self-demeaning reference to religion. God-believers have cornered the humility market.

From The Addiction Recovery Handbook: Humility requires that the fundamental prerequisite to all interaction be a sincere belief in equality. To interact with anything other than [equality] is evidence of racism, elitism, sexism, assuming privilege, etc., and fails to honor the universal truth of apparent unity that underlies all categorizations of life.

If you secretly claim special status: ‘I’m better than… I’ve suffered more… I’ve struggled harder than… My message is more insightful… I’m so twisted that nobody can help me… I get to talk longer than my fair share… My addiction was worse… and so because I’m special, I’m entitled to more privileges than you.’ Privileges might mean you secretly expect from others more patience, more acceptance, more sharing time, more gratitude or generosity, no criticism, more kindness. These thoughts are usually emotional arrogance. The big leap: Humility at Steps Six and Seven requires you offer equality to everyone. Equality requires an accountability for arrogance and that requires a deeper commitment to honesty.

There’s no escape: If you honestly declare, out loud, you are determined to reduce character defects the audience of your life—friends, family, workmates—will notice that you are (or are not) more honest, less judgemental, more punctual, less angry. It’s easier to crash around Steps Four and Five and avoid this level of honest responsibility which requires a visible commitment to a ‘spiritual way of life’ that we talk so much about but do so little.

  1. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.

Here, the dramatic change is by identifying all the amends to be made, that you ‘go public’ with responsibility, and be scrupulously honest to everyone you harmed. Avoiding this level of honest accountability seems to be standard fare. Don’t play around with selfish definitions ‘everyone’ or ‘harm’ (physical, spiritual, mental, emotional harm). They mean what they mean.

As I wrote out my Step Eight (over 200 people) and I was anxious about public scrutiny. I knew those people I had to speak with or write to, had each personally experienced my harming them and would know if I was honest, sincere, accurate, or responsible. They would be immediately aware of how sincere or honest I was. That requires an exceptional commitment to honest responsibility.

  1. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible except when to do so would injure them or others.

Compare Five and Nine:

Step Five requires being ‘completely’ honest with one person, a veritable stranger, who promised you confidentiality. They weren’t abused or lied to by you. They were neutral in what you needed to talk about. Step Five was a practise run; you were not in ‘real-time’ danger.

At Step Nine you must be rigorously honest with people who know exactly what happened. They were people who experienced your harmful behaviour first-hand and have lived with and carried the consequences it. They know and will evaluate your sincerity.

Step Nine embodies the change that takes you away from ‘half-measures’ recovery. Avoidance and dishonesty here result in a lifetime of subtle hiding and avoidance. There is a secret sense of not getting what was promised; wondering what was left undone; not having the experience of psychological courage; always anxiously waiting for something to happen. The necessary public demonstration of honest responsibility is why Step Nine frequently gets a superficial effort. The speeches about ‘I made amends to my family,’ or ‘I only hurt five people,’ or ‘my amends are my daily sobriety,’ are clearly evidence of callous irresponsibility and fear.

When Steps Four and Five are repeated every year or so that’s a repetitive half-measure. It gets support and admiration in the social politics of recovery. Step Nine’s increased need for honesty and visible courage are why there’s so much negligence and irresponsibility here. Having sincere compassion for oneself and others is the actual experience of the promises, which I hear so much about but see so little evidence of. Step Nine is the real-time experience of what the first eight steps prepared you for.

Maintenance.

  1. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

  2. Sought through meditation and quiet reflection on the wisdom of others—to deepen our spiritual awareness through honesty and to embrace [equality] humility, compassion, and responsibility.

  3. Having had a spiritual awakening (a personality change) as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to addicts and to practice spiritual principles in all our affairs.

Beyond Step Nine, a person’s commitment to a life of compassion and mental harmony is a private affair. Technically, it is not necessary to admit anything to anyone. Maintenance-step living is an unsupervised life governed by spiritual principles. The five spiritual principles are:

  1. Do no harm to self or others—no wilful negligence.
  2. Be honest in all circumstances.
  3. Live with humility that is built on equality.
  4. Be compassionate and generous of spirit.
  5. Be responsible—never blame.

A life governed by these principals offers a compassionate mental harmony. It is an issue of psychology not religion. Religious beliefs cannot offer this. Mr. Kaufmann advises: ‘Religious practises, rituals, prayer, religious affirmations [and I add forgiveness] generally involve a suspension of one’s critical faculties—a refusal to be completely honest with oneself,” (slight editing for this context, from The Faith of a Heretic, p.32).

Being a little bit negligent, dishonest, arrogant, callous, slightly irresponsible and blaming (all are addiction symptoms) means always skating in circles of rationalization. Rationalization is an easily kept secret; blame is always near to hand, and relapse sits patiently in the shadows. Addicts are smooth at justifying just about anything and after Step Nine, no one’s looking.

Maintenance Step living separates out the half-measures people. You have complete freedom to not continuously monitor your own attitudes, not seek wise spiritual counsel, or not meditate on non-righteous spiritual literature. You have complete freedom to secretly blame others for any mess you created and wander through life believing you are the quintessential victim. You can convince yourself that yoga, lots of meetings, transcendental meditation, or bullying new people, are substitutes for Step Eleven and Twelve (they aren’t). Maintenance step recovery requires a never-ending, unsupervised, commitment to honest self-discipline. No one knows when you cut corners and slide around the edges of truth or accountability. The Addiction Recovery Thought Police do not exist, and no one is watching you think.

From Mr. Kaufmann’s book, The Faith of the Heretic: ‘The unusually honest [person] is their own relentless observer and develops… a keen intellectual conscience.’  (p. 24. I have adapted his observations to the context of this writing.) Rigorous honesty is the toughest never-ending requirement of a keen intellectual conscience for a compassionate lifestyle. It’s tough for the first ten years or so, but it does get easier.

Kind regards,
Richard Clark


Richard Clark has been clean and sober since September 1980 and has always been open about his atheism. He became involved in AA because of the compassion of an old-timer who was a devout Christian. Richard is now sober 44 years with no relapses, active in his weekly agnostic meeting, and never conceals his atheism. Professionally, Richard has been a therapist in addictions work since 1985. For several decades he’s been committed to the ancient Buddhist stream of Arhat consciousness and been recognized as a Pratyeka-buddha, pre-Theravada practise (and still working at it). He offers private counselling sessions with clients from across Canada. He has written three books and is presently writing a fourth book for addiction counsellors… and plans a fifth book on the psychology of recovery in Buddhism (atheist version). There is more information about him at Green Room Lectures.


For a PDF of this article, click here: Rigorous Honesty and Addiction Recovery (Part Two).


 

The post Rigorous Honesty and Addiction Recovery (Part Two – Rigorous Honesty and the Steps) first appeared on AA Agnostica.

Rigorous Honesty and Addiction Recovery (Part One – Dishonesty and Addiction)

By Richard Clark

Years ago, I realized addicts and people in twelve-step and recovery groups are often puzzled about dishonesty (I know I was about my own). Honesty and dishonesty are flip sides of the same thing and exist on a sliding scale. Honesty is arguably the most significant factor in active addiction, recovery, the steps, being recovered, Buddhism, and relationships. Even though frequently ignored, Bill Wilson advised us about the importance of rigorous honesty in How It Works (Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 58). However, honesty cannot be understood because people are generally confused between two opposing opinions. (a) From traditional religious AA, dishonesty is a character defect (the majority opinion). Or (b) dishonesty in addicts is a symptom of illness (the minority opinion).

1st Side Note: A person feels ill. Their symptoms are coughing with phlegm, shortness of breath, increasing chest pain, fever, nausea and occasional vomiting. Their doctor diagnoses pneumonia and recommends antibiotics, tea, bed rest, chicken soup (whatever). The person recovers. Here’s the point: At no time did the doctor tell them to stop with the fever. No one demanded they quit with the night sweats and fever. We all agree fever is accepted as an unavoidable symptom—fever and pneumonia are a ‘package deal.’

2nd Side Note: Addiction exists separate from all other counselling endeavours. In relation to addiction there are five visible social symptoms that professionals rely on to evaluate the illness.

  1. Self-harm and harm to others; being deliberately negligent.
  2. Dishonest and evasive; manipulating/withholding.
  3. Being arrogant that conceals insecurity.
  4. Being callous and insensitive.
  5. Appearing belligerent and defiant.

All addicts, regardless of the addiction, have these five symptom constellations; they are not different categories of bad character. To affect stable recovery, it is essential to shift perceptions from ‘bad character’ to illness. This means that dishonesty, along with the other four symptoms, are not ‘defects.’

3rd Side Note: I have been asked why I frequently refer to Buddhism when discussing addiction. What I have believed (for forty years) is Siddhartha’s psychology of emotional transformation going from dukkha to nirvana (not the religious views that became popular after his death) is very similar to the journey from active addiction to compassionate recovery (atheist/agnostic recovery, not the religious views). In Siddhartha Gautama’s teaching, c. 500 BCE, honesty wasn’t a declared part of his four truths. It was a naturally understood requirement: when achieving nirvana honesty (and responsibility) are axiomatic necessities, so essential and obvious they didn’t warrant mention. [In another writing I explain that experiencing nirvana is a matter of psychology. Religious interference in Buddhist discipline is what causes this chaos.]

 

Consider that “There are few things about which people are less honest than their attitude toward honesty. Everybody claims to favor it and to consider it important, and an open accusation of dishonesty is a heinous, actionable insult. Yet our public life is permeated by a staggering tolerance for quite deliberate dishonesty. …At most, sophisticated people joke about [dishonesty].” Walter Kaufmann, from The Faith of a Heretic, 1961.

In our era, no one entering a therapeutic relationship needs to be told that they should be honest—it’s an expected requirement. It would be rather insulting to admonish a person to be honest in counselling or at meetings, and yet people are dishonest but know not why.

In 1939, personal therapy and Buddhism didn’t exist in social consciousness. And Bill Wilson’s passion on behalf of alcoholics was limited by his self-deprecating religious views of character and alcohol consumption. Yet he knew being honest was one crucial issue necessary to facilitate recovery. In Alcoholics Anonymous, he suggested that dishonesty (symptom #2) was an unavoidable trait of the alcoholic. He shoved ‘dishonesty’ into the general category of character defects, but dishonesty is not a defect for addicts. It’s a required symptom of the illness. Pneumonia requires fever (it’s a symptom) and getting rid of the fever doesn’t get rid of pneumonia. Addiction requires dishonesty, it’s a symptom not a defect, and demanding that an addict stop lying ‘right now’ is the same as ordering someone with pneumonia to stop having a fever.

In the first few paragraphs of ‘How It Works’ Mr. Wilson speaks directly to thoroughly following the path, willing commitment, being fearless and thorough, and insisting on rigorous honesty. He wrongly classified dishonesty as a character defect but realized, without knowing why, alcoholics have no choice in the matter of dishonesty while in addiction. They are inveterate liars and being deceitful is not optional; hence the conclusion that honesty is never accidental, it’s a necessary mental symptom.

What may be more important is his sequence of presentation: first he suggests that steadfast commitment to rigorous honesty is crucial, and then Mr. Wilson presents his view of God and the steps. Rigorous honesty first (of overriding importance) and then next came second God and the Steps.

 

Addicts lie in their thoughts, in their words, often lie when making commitments, lie to themselves, and conceal and deceive; they cannot do otherwise. ‘Yes, it was all my fault,’ (but silently thinking only 97%). Being 97% honest is lying. Like pneumonia and fever, being dishonest is in the fabric of the illness. To improve recovery, to achieve the promises, to stay far away from relapse requires rigorous honesty in both fact and in detail.

Many people in the recovery/treatment community oftentimes assume honesty will just magically happen. They’ve been abstinent and sober, so honesty just happens like magnetism: being sober attracts honesty. Or they are honest because they hang around with other people who claim they are honest. Honesty rubs off on you, doesn’t it? Or, honesty is like getting old, it just happens. These are all evasions of responsibility. People have been clean and sober for so long that others just assume they are honest.

Addicts will drink eight bottles of beer and tell you they drank ten. They will be dishonest about what they had for breakfast. Their spouse wasn’t unpleasant they were notoriously nasty. Forty-four years of attending meetings and 40 years as a therapist leaves me with no doubt that, while believing they are not deliberately lying, addicts rationalize, minimize, and exaggerate, sliding around rigorous honesty. This is a set up for tenuous recovery and relapse. Why?

It is common knowledge that addicts are overburdened with shame and guilt. Much of that is imposed upon them by an unforgiving society that has miniscule compassion for addicts. And the above quote from Mr. Kaufmann shows that society avoids truth-telling and makes light of dishonesty.

Addicts live with unresolved shame and guilt and being sober (even for a long time) does not automatically dissolve shame and guilt; for most people it hides it. The psychology of addiction requires addicts hide and deceive; their guilt and shame are emotional realities that demand concealment and dishonesty. An unsympathetic society does not make truth-telling easy for addicts who lie as a symptom of their illness. That’s the psychological double-whammy: Society insists we be honest, but tolerates dishonesty on the grand scale, and with their prejudice against addicts (especially drug addicts) when we are honest, oftentimes we’re not believed, or they think we are manipulating. This hopeless cycle leads to relapse.

Set Up One: my drinking/acting out/porn/drug addiction was very shameful—>I must conceal most of it—>I tell lies—>now I conceal the shame of my addiction and also have to conceal the shame that I am lying—>No one can find out I am lying and concealing so I withdraw from support—>I relapse.

Set up Two: my addiction was very ordinary and uneventful compared to those really bad war stories I hear—>I don’t feel entitled to be here—maybe I am not an addict—>I can’t admit I’m ordinary so maybe I’ll exaggerate a little and brag to get some attention—>(or) I’ll hide my ordinary story and pretend I’m not hiding—>I am lying—>No one can find out I am lying and concealing so I withdraw from support—>I relapse.

 

Honesty is never accidental, and addicts can’t ‘just quit’ lying because someone tells them to. Being honest must become a conscious, determined, self-directed, and specific mental exercise. Rigorous honesty cannot be haphazard, it’s a conscious and deliberately self-imposed discipline. It is of great merit that Mr. Wilson identified honesty as the initial, primary requirement of recovery—it’s first, ahead of God and the steps. It’s priority status and importance are commonly ignored, especially by religious pundits.

What’s the consequence of not believing this? In my first dozen years of working with others, I was always curious about relapse; the why’s and wherefores; the set ups. Being a therapist and talking about addiction many hours each week, I always believed that relapse was never spontaneous or sudden, it was a planned event. In the late 1990s I was offering a series of seminars to a group of counsellors. They led me to the understanding that what was common to all relapse is the presence of dishonesty before the event.

Anyone who relapses, especially after a few months or years of sobriety, has been dishonest. This includes counsellors who may be ‘dishonest’ in the manner of their work. People rationalize why they have been dishonest but are blind to dishonesty prior to all relapses. However, to an addict (and for some professionals) rigorous honesty is often dangerous. There may be legal, relationship, or employment repercussions, lost jobs, damaged friendships, divorces, or the creation of enemies. Not everyone admires a rigorously honest person. What keeps some people lying is their belief they cannot survive the consequences of honesty.

This creates a life-or-death conundrum in recovery: If an addict is rigorously honest, they might grievously damage their life circumstances, but if they are not rigorously honest, they will relapse. Even when an addict or counsellor is made aware of these opposing possibilities (which are very real and not to be trivialized) they will often only minimize or mitigate their lying to a ‘tolerable’ level. This foments disaster. Being honest is an exhausting exercise of continuing improvement. It is the never-ending development of moral courage.

Next week I will outline my experience of the changing demands of rigorous honesty during step work. That is why there is such an overwhelming amount of 1-2-3-4-5 sharing and so little insightful discussion of Steps 6 to 12.

Thank you for taking the time to read this,
Richard Clark


Richard Clark has been clean and sober since September 1980 and has always been open about his atheism. He became involved in AA because of the compassion of an old-timer who was a devout Christian. Richard is now sober 44 years with no relapses, active in his weekly agnostic meeting, and never concealed his atheism. Professionally, Richard has been a therapist in addictions work since 1985. For several decades he’s been committed to the ancient Buddhist stream of Arhat consciousness and been recognized as a Pratyeka-buddha, pre-Theravada practise (and still working at it). He offers private counselling sessions with clients from across Canada. He has written three books and is presently writing a fourth book for addiction counsellors… and plans a fifth book on the psychology of recovery in Buddhism (atheist version). There is more information about him at Green Room Lectures.


For a PDF of this article, click here: Rigorous Honesty and Addiction Recovery (Part One).


 

The post Rigorous Honesty and Addiction Recovery (Part One – Dishonesty and Addiction) first appeared on AA Agnostica.